Reality.

Its been a long week.  I think the reality of being here without Chris- being a mom to four- and being a full time student has set in and is A LOT to juggle.  Somehow, we manage to get everyone to school, practices, and bed on time... most days.  


For me, classes are going well.  I have such a greater appreciation for education as an adult student than I did at the age of 17/18/19.  Its a little frustrating for me as a parent to see the lack of effort that some of my classmates show up with- but... I suppose that may be part of growing up and "getting it."  It makes me want to really instill in our kids the value of giving 100% effort in all that we do.  I'm doing my best... I spend hours every day preparing for class and investing in my education.  I want to get all I can out of the time away.  But, I have to admit that I've had multiple moments this week were I've questioned my motivation and intent with going back to school.  It's hard.  It's hard to juggle the demands I have in any one realm of life- whether that is being a wife, a mother, a friend, or a student.  I wonder often, should I just be done?  Should I just be content with what I know and where I've come from?  The truth is:  most days... I struggle with the right answer.  Don't get me wrong... I WANT to be in school.  However, logistically, this may be the hardest thing I've done to date.  Bottom line:  my family comes first.  I am not willing to sacrifice my husband or my children for anything.  And sometimes, as I've learned, being educated doesn't mean sitting in a classroom and getting grades... its the continual commitment to learning.  We'll see how this goes.  At this point, we're taking it one semester at a time.  My goal:  a 4.0 this semester.  We'll see how that goes.


We've had some sickness in the house the past few weeks.  Julia and I have seemed to be the ones who are most significantly affected.  Julia ended up with pneumonia, which was awful.  She missed an entire week of school.  She seemed to be feeling better and back to herself, but over the weekend, I fear she may have relapsed a bit.  Personally, I started with a sinus infection, that I was on antibiotic for.  It resolved and I felt fine.  However, on Friday- I felt like I got hit by a truck and I spent Friday evening and most of Saturday in bed.  Its a definite upper respiratory infection- and I'm TRYING to rest and get better... I'm sure sitting at the Ravens/Titans game today for 7 hours didn't help me any... and tonight... my chest hurts and I can't breathe.  I may have to hunt down a family doctor asap.  With my immune system being so compromised... my body doesn't adjust well or quickly to fighting off colds or viruses.  I need to get well.


My love came home on Friday night.  He surprised me by arriving in about 5 hours before we expected him.  I was thrilled to see him.  He is truly my helper and I miss him every second that he isn't here.  Tomorrow he has two interviews... so, we are officially in the final leg of transitioning down here.  We'll have one more extended stay with him in Maryland (for about 10 days) and then it should be shorter stays until the end of October.  6 weeks to go and I'll have my husband back permanently.  It can't happen soon enough.


Alrighty, I need to get back to reading for a little while longer before I crash. I need to start getting to bed earlier... yeah, probably not going to happen.