Anyone outside of the Nashville area will have NO idea what a Williamson County life looks like. Those of you who don't understand... you may think, how much can a county affect your family or who you are... or better... who you are expected to be? Well, let me fill you in:
In 2011, Williamson county was ranked #17 of the top 25 wealthiest counties in the United States. Among those other counties ranked in the top 25 are those around the DC area and in other densely populated areas in the North East of the country. Now, income/wealth are only one aspect of the Williamson county life that I referring to- but it is a component. I've observed this county as an outsider and now (2 months in) as a resident and I can say I'm learning a lot. There are areas of the county that are seen as "nicer" or more "rural" than others. There are areas of the county where the schools are considered superior or inferior to others. There are areas of the county were the towns are referred to as more "friendly" than others. Thankfully, what we've found in this community that we so carefully chose to live is friendly, real neighbors; teachers who are committed to working with our kids to their fullest potential; and a focus on family and not on possession. I've considered over the past few months what it must feel like to live in other areas of this county- the pressure to fit in, the expectation of measuring up, and the need to constantly appear proper to everyone. I can say- if I've learned anything over the past few years of my life- its that I DO NOT measure up... I'm a mess. For a long time, I tried to ignore it, and then I tried to conceal it, and I've finally just accepted it. It doesn't mean that I'm not driven to be better- or be what I am intended to be... but what it does mean is that I won't bury myself in the guilt or shame or frustration of not being what other people think I should be... I will never live my life like that again. What you see is what you get with me... So, I've found it interesting that in our choosing this VERY suburban community to assimilate into, that we chose (without a whole ton of research) a community that seems to suit our life as a family to an almost exact proximity. Sure, the houses are a little closer than we are used to, and the yard is a little smaller than what we came from, and its a tad bit warmer than we have grown accustomed to... but, I have to say: I do love it here. I don't want to be just another "Williamson County Family." I want to raise my children in a community that we are invested in with people that we love and trust and I want my kids to know that your zip code doesn't matter any more than your job title does...
I light of the "Williamson county" life that I am adjusting to--- I've spent the past week considering where we've come from... and I don't mean geography. I've mentioned that the past three or so years have been insanely difficult- and they have. There were many many days that I wished I could wake up from the nightmare I was trapped in. We felt our lives collapsing from every angle and the foundation that we thought was so firm suddenly became very shaky. There were people in our life that encouraged us on our road, reassuring us of how much God really loved us. They were confident that in the end, we'd see that love in the clarity that HE would reveal to us in His own time. This week... just this week, that happened. Somehow out of so much pain and anger and bitterness (yes, bitterness)... there is clarity. It doesn't mean that we aren't jaded... it doesn't mean that we aren't guarded or cynical... (I hope one day that all wears away too)... but what it does mean is that NOW I can see clearly. Would I want to do it all over again? Absolutely not. However, through a devotional this week I realized that the horrible things that happen in our lives during terrible dark seasons... those things aren't just done TO us or FOR us... those instances in life when we feel like we can't breathe anymore... and then we do... those instances are for us to live through and share. The bad is made good- ashes are turned to beauty- and we get to survive and share. I told Chris last night, I want to write a book. I'm not sure what direction I want to take. I don't know when I'll start or when I'll finish. I don't know if I'll write it and tuck it away or if I will publish it. I don't know. What I do know is that in my medial 32 plus years of life... I've experienced a lot of it. And even though God has given me clarity--- maybe it wasn't all just for me. I can't promise that I'll ever be an eloquent writer- all I can promise is that I'll be real. Honesty is not for the weak...
I'll finish with this- we went to a show last night for a band called Gungor. They were phenomenal. Eclectic, anointed lyrics, music, and ability was what they displayed. As we drove home last night I told Chris, there was so much honesty in the music/lyrics that we had just heard. This man and his wife (who write all their own music) had lived life- I don't know the details of their circumstances- but he poured out his life and his pain and his happiness and his frustration in his music. To be honest, they are out of the box and a lot of people won't 'get it' when they hear Gungor's message. But, that music last night spoke to me a further element of clarity than a simple conversation could. Out of their beautiful message of song- it further confirmed this message that God has been delivering me all week: He makes all things beautiful.
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