Holy Dreams Batman...

plagued. That's how I feel these days. I cannot remember the last time I had a restful nights sleep. My options seem to consist of either: tossing and turning, up every 45 minutes all night, dreaming insanely crazy dreams, or some combination of the three. What I've noticed is: I'm a bitch. I'm not getting rest. I'm still running myself ragged all day- then add in my intense workout schedule lately. I'm naturally exhausted. But, that doesn't seem to matter. I do have a little blue pill- not that kind- Ambien CR 12.5 mg- which is a strong dose. I TRY very hard not to use them often. The truth is, when I take one... I don't remember falling to sleep. I don't remember anything until the sun comes up. You would think that is a good option. However, its really not. I feel drugged. During the day, I have little tolerance for the kids being uncooperative. I also find myself yelling at them a lot. Which, isn't something that I do frequently. The other issue currently is that Chris is in Texas, again. So, I don't have him here to take any parenting responsibility with them. Its fantastic really. I feel like I need to apologize constantly for being so upset and easily rattled. At this rate, its going to be a long summer.

On another note, mom is here. She suddenly lost her job last week. She walked in, worked half a day and then they pulled her into an office and told her that her position was being dissolved. They asked for her keys, her credit cards, and escorted her from the building. No warning. No nothing. They did offer her a severance package. Its not great, but it will help. In the meantime, I flew her out here and have no intentions of letting her go back there to live. I offered help to move her out of her apartment to either Nashville (with my sisters) or here. She did bring along her resume and interestingly enough, we found a PERFECT position for her at the local hospital last night. She is sitting in the other room right now updating her resume and I hope to have her applying for positions by the end of the night. She has no one in Indiana anymore and losing her job was just the kick in the butt me and my sisters have been waiting for to make her realize that fact. We'll see how this goes...

So, I've been killing myself at the gym. For the past two weeks- I've missed three days. My body aches from sore muscles but I'm finally starting to notice some change on my running time/pace. Also, even though the scale hasn't been completely reflective of my workouts and diet- my clothes are fitting better/more comfortably. My next race is just a 5k in mid August. Then, I'm not sure what I'm going to do from August until November. However, in November... I'm registering for the Philly half marathon. I made my decision a few days ago and I'm working hard training for this race. I will be ready.