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Its been a very long week. Seven full days since Chris went back to Maryland. Being mom and *trying* dad to four kids is exhausting... not to mention attempting to get myself re-enrolled into school which starts next week. I'm ready for my husband to come home. I take too much for granted when he's here- remind me of that in a few months.

Here's a song for you, Chris:

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onto the details of the week:

Nick had his first scrimmage game this past Friday night and I was extremely proud as I watched my son hold his own on the field. Best of all, the first thing he said to me when I picked him up after the game: "That was SO fun!" I made some phone calls and apparently he still isn't in the correct placement for his classes- they just received his school records and haven't done any assessments. However, tomorrow, he'll be pulled out for testing and should be placed where he will be best challenged. I'm sure he'll be thrilled about that. In the meantime, between school work and football, he was very little time of his own. I think that is good.

Julia started soccer today. This is the first time she has played soccer for an organized team but she is a natural. The coaches were very impressed with here ability already. They even made the effort to come over and tell me so. I have to chalk her soccer talent up to her daddy... he would be proud watching her.

I got Em signed up for dance classes for the year- which begin in a few weeks. I chose modern dance for her because there is room for artist interpretation... which I think will be great for her. She is really excited about finally being able to do something extra curricular on her own. I am excited for her too. I know she will have a blast.

Soph completed her first full week as a presschooler. So far- so good. I did get a note ONE day stating that she had some "minor" behavior- but she seemed to straighten that out by the end of the week. I started switching over some of her doctor's this week but I am still on the hunt for a pediatrician and private speech therapist and OT. We've also had some issues this past week with her having random allergic reactions to stuff- bugs, plants, etc. On two separate occasions, without knowing what caused it- she has had "stinging" types of reactions from both a plant and also bug bites- in which she develops hives. In both instances, her muscles respond and she starts trembling. Its actually pretty scary to watch. For that reason, I got a refill on the epipen which I'll be delivering to the school tomorrow- AND I am carrying her epipen with me everywhere at this point. I know change in environment and plants/bugs that go along with that are probably to blame- but I think we are to the point that we need to see an allergist and find out the extent of her reactions. The last thing I want to do is put her through that testing- but I think at this point- it may be necessary. Now all I need to do is find an allergist. Hmmm.....

So, I mentioned that I'm working on getting back to school this semester. I was going to take the semester off- but decided to just jump back into it. I'm not getting any younger. I have meetings/tests/registration multiple days this week at TNU... and then classes start next Tuesday- so, its going to be a hectic week for me.

Also, got good news a few days ago: mom got a job. It is downtown with a nonprofit organization (which she has experience with) and I think the job is going to be a good fit for her. She starts the day after labor day. She's excited- and we are excited for her- change is good when you embrace it.

One last note for tonight: Chris' uncle Dennis had a heart attack while on vacation in Myrtle Beach this week. He is diabetic and there are multiple other concerns/issues- but tomorrow he is going into surgery for triple bypass at 6am (EST). Please say a prayer for him, the doctors, and the family. We want him feeling better and back to himself as soon as possible.

The bumpy road...

I'm emotional today- actually, I have been for a few days. I could come up with a half dozen reasons why I've been so up and down but truly there is only one reason: Chris had to go back to Maryland today.

In November, Chris and I will have been together for fifteen years. A month later, in December, we'll celebrate fourteen years of marriage. We've had some better days, weeks, months, and years than others- but the past few years have been especially difficult. This afternoon as I was weeping in my husband's arms, it just reconfirmed to me that I'm where I want to be- with who I want to be with. All of the other crap in life just fades away in light of that one true realization. The unfortunate part is that in this new transition of our life together- as we are settling into a new home and community- he's not here with me- the way it SHOULD be. Chris keeps telling me 'one day at a time' which is exactly what we have to do to get through these next few months- but it is definitely more difficult than I thought it would be. So- I won't see him again in the month of August- he'll be back on September 1st for 11 or 12 days... and until then, I'll manage here... sad. I found this quote and thought how true it is... so, I thought I'd share... and just reiterate to my husband that I would choose him all over again.

One of the nicest things you can say to your partner, "If I had it to do
over again, I'd choose you. Again."
Unknown

Now here's a break in the thought process to update on the past few very busy days

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The kids all started school on Thursday- it was only a half day for the three older kids- and only a 1 hr orientation time for Soph. But, it went well and Friday was a typical day. I'll start with Nick.

Nick has decided to play football this year for the school team. Chris met with the coach and we got all of Nick's paperwork taken care of and he participated in his first practice at Sunset on Friday evening. Then Saturday morning and into the afternoon- he had a scrimmage game at an area school. So far- so good. He seems to enjoy it though he's pretty sore from the practice/game. I think all in all, this will be good for him... but it does make me nervous seeing him out there with kids twice his size coming at him. (Maybe he'll learn to run faster???)

Julia seems to really be enjoying her teacher and new school. But, I wouldn't expect less. Julia loves school. We also got Julia signed up for rec soccer and she had her evaluations on Saturday. Got the email today that teams have been chosen and her practices will start Saturday. I think this will be a great way for Julia to meet more girls her age and make new friends.

Emma is in the second grade. I still can't really believe that. Anyway, she is enjoying her class and has made a friend or two. Emma can be a bit chatty- and her sarcastic sense of humor isn't always understood by her peers- but I know she'll latch on to a friend or two and she'll do just fine. No sports for Em at this point- but I am looking into dance classes for her. If you are a local and have any suggestions- I'm all ears.

Sophia. Friday was tough... for me... and maybe her teacher. I got her to school and got her out of the truck and the teacher came over to get her. Soph was great until she realized that I wasn't coming along. :-( She yelled "mommy" and started crying and I sat for a few moments as she was carried toward the school with the teacher. I took a deep breath and drove into town to run a few errands. Chris and I picked her up at 11:30 and she was happy to see us. In her bookbag- we had the 'rundown' of the day on a piece of paper which told us how her day was- and did notate that she "protested :-)" So- I'm not sure for how long or to what degree (and maybe its best that way) but she started school and goes back again tomorrow. To be honest, I have HIGH hopes for my Sophia Hope and I'm looking forward to the progress she is going to make this year. I'm still not sure if I'm ready for all of this- but I am CERTAIN that she is.

Alright, I suppose I should head off to bed. 6:15am comes early- and goes nonstop until this time tomorrow night. Good night, all.

Settling In Still...

Well, we've been here for 11 days (and nights) now. Its crazy- some days it feels longer- and other days- it doesn't. But, in the past 11 days we have made some major progress on the house and getting everything unpacked and in its place. Curtains are hung, pictures are in place (for the most part), comforters are resting on their beds, and furniture has been arranged and rearranged. Today, we officially unpacked the garage enough to park both of our vehicles into the garage. With my big SUV, its a tight fit- but we'll make it work. So far, we love it. The size of the house is still tremendous for us. The kids love having their own space and we love having enough room to comfortably entertain. As of yesterday, the kids (except Sophie) were all officially registered for school- which starts on Thursday (YES, THIS Thursday). Tomorrow morning, Chris and I have a meeting at Sophie's school with the county representative for student services, the principle of the school, and Sophie's new pre-school teacher. This meeting will HOPEFULLY go over smoothly, however, we are having to transition services that Soph has been receiving in Maryland to Tennessee- and to make sure that all of her needs are adequately addressed. There are some technicalities that we need to work through with the school but we're hoping that everything goes easily. We'll know tomorrow when Soph will be officially able to start school- we're hoping Thursday or Friday- but we'll see.

Chris was able to drive down on Friday night and will be here with us through Sunday afternoon. I'm glad to have him home. It doesn't much feel like home with him not being here. He continues to plug away with his job coming to an end and has been given the opportunity to "work from home" here in Tennessee somewhat frequently so that he can be with us. I am grateful.

Since Chris was home on Sunday- we went to a new church in Brentwood, which is about 15 minutes from the house. The kids all really liked it. And I think we are going to go again this coming Sunday. So far, we like everything we know about the church- and we've done some pretty thorough research. I guess time will tell. Pray that we find the right place to worship for our family.

I updated SOME photos on Facebook with a new album of pics of our house. I'm missing a kitchen picture- but other than that, right now there are photos of the whole lower level. I'll upload a kitchen pic here shortly. Photos of the upstairs will follow at some point this week. Keep checking back. Here is a link to the album.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150252879106861.324097.677156860&type=1

So in short- so far so good. I'll update again in the next week with more details of the kids start of their new school and anything else that might be happening.

Settling In...

Well, we've just spent our third night in our new home- the first one with Chris not with us. I'm a bit heavy hearted with him not being here- I miss him desperately... and its only been 24 hours. Its going to be a long transition for us all.

The trip down here was long and exhausting starting with a 3am departure time from Maryland. Honestly, both Chris and I had trouble sleeping at all Friday night and so we both drove on little to no sleep. Its the first time I can remember having to really talk to myself during the drive to keep me from nodding off. Once we arrived, we had help here at the house waiting for us- so, we didn't get to rest. We spent the remainder of the day unloading our packed down truck and assembling furniture that we were going to need to sleep on that night. We didn't get into bed until about 11pm and we all crashed hard. Exhaustion is an understatement. However, it became very surreal- being in our new house- a house that was/is big enough for us all to fit without invading each others space. This was what we've been planning for and looking forward to for 9 months now... and here we are. I'll be honest, there were MANY days that I wondered if that was ever going to happen. Were we ever going to make it to Tennessee??? But, here we are... settling in.

I got the kids all registered for school yesterday- with the exception of Sophia (because her registration is more involved and I"m waiting on a call back from the early intervention office in our county). On Friday morning, Nick will go to a new student orientation from 9-12pm for an opportunity to walk through his new school and get to know where he's going before he shows up next Thursday. I'm glad they have this orientation set up and that we are here for him to participate... its intimidating walking into a new school... but I KNOW he will do great.

Last night, our next door neighbor brought us dinner. I was touched that they would offer and then even more thankful when I didn't have to worry about preparing anything while unpacking and straightening up. Our experience in this neighborhood so far has been great. The kids have children their age to play with (the downside is its 110 degrees outside so no one wants to play outside during the day)- and have already begun making friends. One of the major concerns we had moving was Sophie. She is so structured and regimented that anytime you mess with her schedule, she really has a hard time adjusting. Surprisingly enough, that has NOT been the case so far with Soph. She loves the new house- she runs around, makes herself comfortable and has plenty of space of enjoy. We are certain as we watch her that moving into this house was the best fit for our family. I'm looking forward to getting everyone adjusted into a schedule as school starts next week.

Well, I suppose that's it for now- I'll try to update in a few days- WITH pictures. Right now, the downstairs is looking more under control- but the upstairs is still filled to the brim with boxes... and have I mentioned the garage is full of boxes too. I know everyone is curious to see the house- so, I'll do my best to get it up soon.

A stroll down memory lane....

After almost nine months of waiting and wondering how everything was going to play out... we're down to four more days (including today) in Maryland. I've spent the last three weeks tied up in details of switching utilities, addresses, contracts, and weaving in good-byes. I'm exhausted- but room by room- our home of the past seven years is almost packed up. Its shocking how much we've accumulated- and we're the people who give away and throw away-- so, I'm not really sure how that happened. Regardless, the time is quickly approaching when we will pile our children into our trucks and make that 800 mile trek to Tennessee.

People keep asking if I'm excited- the short answer is yes. I'm excited about the prospect of the future- I'm excited about a fresh start with the man that God has given me and the children that God has blessed us with. Its been a tough few years- lots of struggles and bad days... and I am certain that there will be struggles and bad days in the south- but for right now- I'm hopeful that we'll weather those with renewed strength as a family. Chris's job layoff signaled a confirmation for us that we had been waiting for- the doors are closing for us here- and we are anticipating the opening doors that we'll venture into soon enough in Tennessee. It's exciting, at the least.

We will be leaving here 2 days shy of our 11th anniversary in Maryland. On August 1, 2000, we packed up two cars and headed up here from North Carolina. Its kind of funny looking back. We sold off or gave away the majority of our things- knowing that we'd be living with Chris' parents for awhile so we could save for a down payment to buy a house. We only had Nicolas- who was only 1 and few months old. Within the course of 10 months- Chris and I were homeowners for the first time at the ripe old ages of 21and 23. I remember our agent telling us back then how refreshing it was to see a young couple who "had it together." We loved our townhouse and worked hard to improve it- and almost three years to the day- we sold it for a huge gain and moved into 106 Williams street. While in our townhouse, we brought home two baby girls- first, Julia and then Emma. Within a matter of five months of Em's birth, we moved into this house. Its crazy, none of the kids really have any memory of the town house. Its okay- we have lots of photos and mine and Chris' memories are full. When we moved into this house- we knew that God had hand delivered this house to us- as we were in the peak housing market boom and homes were selling within hours of being listed. We looked and looked and really wanted to be in the neighborhood with his parents- but weren't able to find a place big enough for our family of five. Then, the day we were scheduled to sign to list our town house for sale- we went and looked at a home that we were settling on in Abingdon- a split level- that we were gearing up to put a contract on. Diane (my mother in law) had gone with us and was arriving back at home when she found her next door neighbors outside power washing their siding. Diane began talking to them and quickly found out that those neighbors were listing their house for sale that afternoon- Diane was listening to them talk as she was dialing Chris' cell phone. Within a matter of minutes, Chris and my mom were walking through this house and within a matter of an hour, I was also walking through with our agent. Long story short- the neighbors practically gave us the house for a price that was $25k UNDER appraisal value in a very competitive housing market. This home brought a third baby girl, and a fourth child to our family- and the official realization that we had outgrown our home.

As the past month has unfolded- it has become crystal clear that our direction is right. It's funny- we found the town and the exact neighborhood that we wanted to be- but I believe the Lord guided our paths to 1405 Peppermint Lane. It wasn't ideal- we lost our "dream house." However, while in Nashville three weeks ago, as we looked at what is going to be our home- we knew the house was different. Locks and gates put up high, a fully fenced back yard, details in the home that made it ideal for Sophie. When we talked to the owner and Chris discussed our family, Chris mentioned the security in the home being ideal for our little one with special needs- it was then revealed that the family who had moved out of this home had an autistic son. Crazy?! Upon another trip back to the home, we met the very friendly neighbors- who each have three children of their own- all the same ages as our children. We also find out that one neighbor is a special education teacher! What's further an interesting fact is that this house was only for sale- but when I contacted the owner asking if he would be interested in renting (as I contacted every other homeowner for sale in the neighborhood with 4 bdrms or more that had been listed for more than 60 days; a total of about 15 homeowners)--this homeowner was the ONLY one interested in renting. Once again, we felt our home had been delivered to us.

So, yes, we are excited. We will miss our family here a great deal- and we will miss our friends- the true ones. The ones who have stood by us and who have walked this journey with us- loving us and praying for us and with us. But what's great is knowing that those true friendships last through garbage and love reigns high--- and we'll have plenty of space for company when they come to visit. The most valuable thing I've learned from my 11 years in Maryland: God is faithful when we are faithless.

seasons change...

We've spent the past 8-9 months with our home on the market- looking for a potential buyer. We've had probably 50-60 showings in those many months. So, of course, you can imagine how frustrated we've become as we've had buyer after buyer come in the doors and then leave with no offer made. Over the course of those 9 months, we've made repairs to the house- some cosmetic and some major. We've done every thing in our power to entice a buyer- including drop the price some $50k.

In the meantime, we've been building our dream home in Nolensville, TN- in a development called Ballenger Farms. Nolensville is a great small town- that was the perfect compromise between Chris' desire to be rural and mine to not be secluded. WE love Nolensville.

SO- I'll fast forward to Wednesday of this week. Chris went to work and called me saying that something was "wrong" at work. He said he suspected that someone may be getting laid off. An hour or so passed and he called me. His exact words were "do you want the good news or the bad news?" Of course, I requested the bad news first. He continued to inform me that his whole department/office was being laid off. I said "what's the good news?" His response- "I'm on my way home."

For us- this week- even in light of this 'bad' news- has been a peaceful and enlightening one. We started realizing that possibly the reason our prayers for our house to sell hadn't been answered because we needed to wait... for Chris' job to disappear. Confused? As the last week has unfolded, we have had clarity. The important things in life aren't what house we're living in or building or what job you slave away at all day. The important things in life are the lives of those people who you come home to every day. For us, our address doesn't matter... our family DOES. So, with all of that being said... we will be moving to Nolensville in three weeks (7/31). After speaking to our agent and lendor in Tennessee, it became clear that due to Chris' job loss that we won't be able to secure a loan for our dream home at this point. We signed the paperwork to release us from our contigent contract on our house today. On the flip side, we were able (in a very short amount of time- Thank You, Lord) to secure a 4 bdrm 3 bath 3k sq foot home in the SAME development in Nolensville to move into in just 3 weeks. Not only did we find a perfect replacement home in Nolensville but also secured a qualified renter on our home in Bel Air to move in on 8/1. One year leases all around- and acceptable terms for everyone. The craziness of this twist of events may scare some people... but we are secure and living in peace.

Life will be nuts over the next few weeks as we transition- but we've known for awhile that we were headed for change in our family... and now, it is finally coming. It will be bittersweet leaving our home of the last 11 years but exciting to walk into the next chapter.

The Subjective Truth

I think there are times in life where its best to just say "i just can't understand." Things get hard- pressure pushes on us and as a result the person that really are... is exposed. Sometimes, its encouraging and we realize that we have integrity and character- mercy and patience- love and grace. And other times, the dirt that we are is shown in all brightness and clarity for the world to see.

I remember being a kid in Sunday school and our youth leader saying 'truth is NOT subjective.' He went on to say that truth is absolute- unchanging- it just is. For me, that concept was simple enough to understand at that time in my life. However, today... truth is subjective.

This subjective truth that I know is full of circumstances. The black and the white are mixed into different shades of gray. We can come up with a list of reasons why we are right in the position we stand- a list of reasons that justify actions, words, and lack of action. We can also script out a list of why others are wrong- why we have a right to be where we are in our subjective truth. In all of this confusion, stands a community- a family- a couple----- an individual. The individual has to then decide on the version of truth that they can best live with and accept... and then, we move forward- or backwards- but at least there is movement and not a sedentary motionless shell existing in the presence.