So, I've spent a lot of years struggling with my weight... like, pretty much my entire life. Looking back, even when I was a size 6 weighing 130 lbs... that isn't what I saw staring back at me in the mirror. After some time in therapy- I'm certain that I have a grip on the reasons why my self image has always been skewed. Regardless, weight is a struggle. Let me back track a bit.
In 1996, I left for college. Prior to my college arrival, I was a very active teenager. I spent all of middle and high school playing sports- basketball (primarily), volleyball, and even softball. I loved sports. Back then, because I was so active... I could eat whatever I wanted and it was never really a thought. I was like most kids- I loved fast food and mountain dew... and again, never really thought about it. So, I started college and my more sedentary life began. Of course, we walked everywhere on campus- but after the first semester (when I met Chris) it became very evident why the "Freshman Fifteen" was more than a taunting joke... it was a reality for most of my college friends. Our eating habits became whatever we wanted them to be- and the Trevecca Special (a $5 Large Papa Johns pie) at curfew (midnight back then) 3 times a week most certainly caught up with most of us. By the fall of my sophomore year, I remember NOT fitting into any of the clothes that I had purchased for my freshman year. In a year, I had gained 25 lbs. In December 1997, Chris and I married and I was up 35 lbs from my arrival at Trevecca. From that point for the next 1.5 years I gained at a steady pace and leveled off just about the time I got pregnant with Nick. After delivering Nick and using the next 4-5 months using the excuse that I had 'just had a baby'- I realized I had to take control. So, I did. Within a matter of about 3 months, I lost about 30 lbs. I went from a size 16 (busting out) to a size 10. I was pleased with my results and maintained that for a bit. Over the course of the next three years, we moved to Maryland, I got complacent again, and I gained all of my weight back... then, I got pregnant again. After delivering Julia, I got serious about weight loss again and over 6 months- dropped those 30 lbs again. Back from a 16 to a 10. I felt good. Then, I got pregnant with Emma. My pregnancy with Em was the first and only one that I didn't tip the scale at over 200 lbs. After delivering Em, I nursed, and because I had lost so much weight prior to the pregnancy- it took awhile to get it back down but I did. I kept it off for awhile... and maintained a healthy weight- fluctuating between a 10-12 for years. In 2007, I dropped an additional 20 lbs and was at the lowest I had been since my freshman year in college. I was wearing a 6/8 and small tops. There were many contributors to that loss- namely- STRESS/depression but once I got a hold on myself- I joined weight watchers and finished the loss healthily. I kept that weight off again for a few years. Then, gradually, I noticed my weight began creeping up. At that point, I made a choice to start running. I found that running was a fantastic outlet for me. It was definitely a love/hate relationship but I felt so good doing it. In the middle of that, I injured my Achilles tendon on both my right and left legs (overuse injuries)- and ended up in PT- the first time on the right leg for 6 weeks. The second injury on my left leg- a grade three tear that I just avoided surgery with--- but the PT lasted 12 weeks this time 3x a week. It was intense but just drove me harder to train right. I registered for a half marathon and pressed on. My weight was staying steady- but I was gaining muscle (which weighs more than fat) and I was in great shape. Then, in the fall of 2010, I could feel my body changing. I was training for the Philly Half- and was on schedule- ran 30 miles one week- then the next week couldn't make myself get out of bed. What the hell?! I felt my body turn on me. Day by day- it became glaringly obvious that I was sick and something was going on. The night we were supposed to leave to head to Philly for the race, Chris asked me to please not run- genuinely concerned for my health and welfare. I agreed. After many months of tests and my inability to be anything but sedentary due to remarkable pain- it was determined that I have SLE- or Lupus. I went on steroids- and remained on two steroids for over three months. My weight climbed. I was more and more uncomfortable with my shape- and my face- and felt more and more unable to be physically active. In the meantime, in addition to not exercising, I let my diet slip and the weight gain continued. I eventually started feeling better- and I attempted to lose some of the weight- but I had gained 30 lbs over the course of about a year. This past summer, we planned and moved to Tennessee. I wasn't able to take any of the weight off- honestly, I didn't try very hard. I missed running and I attempted to go out and run a few times- but I was so heavy- it was awkward and uncomfortable. So, I stopped. Then, in October of 2011, this past fall, I had another flare. It hit me like a ton of bricks and back on the prednisone I went. This time, I was on for 2 months- and I gained an additional 25-30 lbs... this time, in 3 months. Its crazy how out of control it got so fast. So, I've found myself here- VERY dissatisfied with my health, appearance, and confidence. So, I decided I'm done. So- everything changes from here on:
In the past I've done some workouts with a video program of Jillian Michaels called "30 Day Shred." Its insanely INSANE. But, I know that the results are possible and I need a jump start. So, I began a new diet- calorie input watching and making better choices. I also started shredding with Jillian. After the first day- I remembered WHY this video works. SHE IS NUTS! By yesterday (day two), I couldn't take the stairs at all so quickly... one. at. a. time.S.L.O.W.L.Y.... last night, I woke up from pain and discomfort... my arms, legs, calves, back, face (just kidding about the face, kind of)... HURTS. Today... I almost talked myself out of it... but decided that I have to be diligent if I want change. So... I did it. Tonight, I'm walking like a 75 yr old woman. But, I know... that if I keep with this that the changes I NEED are going to happen. So, all of the above to say... I'll be blogging more about my journey and my extreme love/hate for Jillian Michaels.... I realize that weight is something that many American's deal with... so, I'm sure that there are plenty of you who read my ramblings who will relate... PLEASE keep me accountable. I need some follow up! I do have a full plan ahead... small goals... big goals. I've measured, weighed, and taken pictures (not sure I"ll ever share... but maybe, we'll see)... and I'm ready for this journey to begin and end. I'm on my way... to getting healthy again and I cannot wait. Just remind me--- no pain... no gain!
