Been meaning to sit down and blog but life has been so busy that I haven't been able to steal away 30 minutes to do it. I suppose that busy life is better than not busy life. Though, I wouldn't know...
So, a quick catch up. First, as many of you know- thanks to the wonders of Facebook... Emma had appendicitis last week and ended up having emergency surgery to remove it. The beauty of the situation was that not only did I make her travel 12 hours by car from Maryland to Tennessee (after the initial onset of abdominal pain) but we also ended up in two different ER's 48 hours apart. The first ER visit was to StoneCrest ER in Smyrna, TN. We've been to this hospital in the past- and it has always been a good experience. However, I can tell you that based on the care (or lack there of)- we will never return to this hospital. Our second ER visit was to Vanderbilt Children's hospital- on Easter evening. Our wait was very minimal- as the triage nurse's recognized Em's tell tale signs of acute appendicitis. Needless to say, after a CT, she was admitted and she had an appendectomy the next morning at about 7:30am. I've learned quite a bit from this experience... number one: trust your instinct. number two: girls are strong! Once we moved past the diagnosis- and onto the surgery- that child did NOT complain even one time about pain. At no point did she cry- or ask for relief. The PACU nurse was shocked to find her lying on her stomach minutes after her surgery. The staff at Vandy Children's were topnotch and made sure- even though Em wasn't a typical post-op patient- that she comfortable throughout recovery. Its now been 8 days since Emma's surgery and she has done great! She went back to school yesterday. I'm still insisting she take it a bit more easy than she would like... but the incision sites look good... and she will be all healed up in no time. In the meantime, I am humbled by her ability to deal with and endure pain and recovery. She is no doubt- a rockstar!
A quick Advocare update: so, I started on the 24 day challenge because I figured- what could it hurt? I've tried everything to this point... and have had little to no change. And honestly, with my lupus- I know that I have got to figure out something before I end up in another flare. So- the way it works is the first ten days are a 'gentle cleanse' and then the following 14 days are considered the 'max phase.' I can tell you- I have been very pleased with the results. First of all, I have a ton of energy. At one point- I found myself thinking "maybe I'll just run up and down the stairs to burn off the energy." CRAZY! I find that my appetite is very controlled- I've also gone from processed, fatty, calorie high foods- to fruits, veggies, and lean proteins. I don't have cravings and I don't feel like I"m dying between meals. In fact, as I've watched my metabolism increase, so does my eating. The beauty of it all is i've lost 11 lbs and 24.5 total inches in 30 days! I feel great! and I'm finally seeing weight that I've put on through steroids and flares... coming off! THANK GOD! I am continuing on the plan... and I'll update as we go on.
The last thing I'll update on is a new direction I'm heading with my music. I've spent the past 5-6 years... some of the hardest years of my life... writing songs. Honestly, most of them I just tucked away- used them for a type of therapy in getting through the hard times. But, I realized recently that some of them are pretty decent- and in true musician style- they are all completely done- lyrics/chords/melody. So, after talking with an old friend- who is in the industry (that's music industry for those of you who may not know)- he has extended an offer and opportunity for me to have my music heard. I won't go into a lot of detail because its still very much in the prep phase... but thanks to the efforts and connections with people in the industry- I am busy recording demo's for the first 6 of my songs. These songs will eventually be 'pitched' and hopefully chosen. But for now... its a lot of tedious- but fun and creative work. I can say- thanks to my brother in law- I have connected with a very gifted co-musician who shares in my passion for creating a song into a 'music.' He is working with me- and I'm already learning tons from him. I realize now- through those few pain filled- and horribly grief ridden years that something of worth and value may be coming into fruition as a result. I'm humbled.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Hormones or something else?
Over the course of the past few weeks, I found myself a bit emotional. I would say that for the most part I'm a sensitive person but I'm not so much a "cryer". But, for some reason, I've found myself swallowing that lump in my throat a little more frequently than normal.
I'll start with the fact that almost two weeks ago we found out that Julia was accepted into an all girls school that we have been hoping that she would be. Its a prestigious school with lots of famous alumni and a top notch reputation for academics and sports. Julia is an excellent student and a great athlete. But we knew when we started the process that the school wasn't just looking for a great student or a great athlete... they were looking for talented all around girls who will add to their community. Julia made an impression on those at Harpeth when she interviewed, as I have been told by the staff since her acceptance. Julia's acceptance into this school was a HUGE sigh of relief for me as I have struggled with the school that both Julia and Emma are currently attending. I will add- Harpeth Hall begins their admission of girls in the 5th grade- so, this wasn't an option for Emma at this point. The truth is- we (all parents for that matter) want what is best for their children. And without a doubt, Julia's admission into HH will allow her opportunities in academics, sports, and extra cirriculars that she wouldn't have otherwise. As a side note, the tuition for HH is hefty- more than our private college one year tuitions... so, we are trusting God- and trying to be good stewards of our money (along with applying for financial aid/scholarship) to be able to allow this opportunity for Julia. It has taken me these two weeks to finally accept that Julia was offered a seat of only 43 for this 5th grade class. I am proud- and I am excited for her future... and I swallow that lump in my throat once again.
Yesterday was Julia's 10th birthday. Tomorrow is Sophie's 4th birthday. Next month Nicolas turns 13. Chris and I were talking last night and it just feels like it is going too fast. We've blinked our eyes and our children are turning into walking personalities equipped with whit, intelligence, and humor. Each of them are so unique and are the heart and soul of this family. And to think that in a matter of 5 years... 5 YEARS... Nicolas will be an adult... a man... it takes my breath away. Julia turned 10 yesterday- I remember the day I turned ten... and it doesn't feel like 23 years ago. I have so much pride and joy from seeing my children grow and learn and accomplish. But, the selfishness in me wants to make it stop. I have a hard time catching my breath when I think of watching them one by one walk out of my door and into their own lives... but I know its coming... so much faster than I am ready for. There's that lump again... concentrate.
Yesterday we also got news that Chris' uncle Dennis has lung cancer. This felt like a punch in the stomach. We love Dennis and his wife and kids... they are our family. And over the course of the past few years, we've come to appreciate them all so much more... as we've learned to love them not only as family but as friends. I can say- from experience- I know how surreal it feels to be told your parent has cancer. My mom is a cancer survivor... in remission now. It didn't even feel possible when they told us she had to face chemo and immunotherapy. It hurt to see her suffer. It affected every one of us differently but we all struggled through it and hoped and prayed for her to be healed and that the cancer would be treated. It was. So, to once again see this scenario play out with Dennis... is painful. The good news was they caught it early... so, now the fighting begins. I pray for God's hand of mercy on his body- and for comfort to Aunt Debbie and his children (those who married his children, too), and his grandchildren. The lump is bigger now... harder to choke back.
As we laid down to go to bed last night... Chris got a call from his mom. A former classmate had suddenly passed away a few days ago as a result of injuries sustained in a car accident. This man- though I never met him- I had heard stories about. This man- a Godly man- doing the Lord's work through missionary involvement had left behind a wife and three boys... the youngest only a few months old. Chris' last words last night before he went to bed were "This world is so screwed up- and Noah was the one taken? I just don't get it..." My stomach knotted up... that lump in my throat was impossible to fight, and tears began to flow. Chris held me as we fell asleep... time is short... and there are no guarantees of tomorrow.
I think all of this to say- my heart is heavy... I think there is this perception of 'emotional' women... and how we are indiscriminate about our shedding of tears. But, I think that's garbage. Whether or not we swallow that lump or shed tears... the pain, the grieving, the happiness we feel... its a reminder of our humanity. We aren't all the same. We come from different places, different cultures, different backgrounds... but we are all made by the same Father who loves us and who wants to comfort us when we hurt. My heart is heavy- but my hope is in Him.
I'll start with the fact that almost two weeks ago we found out that Julia was accepted into an all girls school that we have been hoping that she would be. Its a prestigious school with lots of famous alumni and a top notch reputation for academics and sports. Julia is an excellent student and a great athlete. But we knew when we started the process that the school wasn't just looking for a great student or a great athlete... they were looking for talented all around girls who will add to their community. Julia made an impression on those at Harpeth when she interviewed, as I have been told by the staff since her acceptance. Julia's acceptance into this school was a HUGE sigh of relief for me as I have struggled with the school that both Julia and Emma are currently attending. I will add- Harpeth Hall begins their admission of girls in the 5th grade- so, this wasn't an option for Emma at this point. The truth is- we (all parents for that matter) want what is best for their children. And without a doubt, Julia's admission into HH will allow her opportunities in academics, sports, and extra cirriculars that she wouldn't have otherwise. As a side note, the tuition for HH is hefty- more than our private college one year tuitions... so, we are trusting God- and trying to be good stewards of our money (along with applying for financial aid/scholarship) to be able to allow this opportunity for Julia. It has taken me these two weeks to finally accept that Julia was offered a seat of only 43 for this 5th grade class. I am proud- and I am excited for her future... and I swallow that lump in my throat once again.
Yesterday was Julia's 10th birthday. Tomorrow is Sophie's 4th birthday. Next month Nicolas turns 13. Chris and I were talking last night and it just feels like it is going too fast. We've blinked our eyes and our children are turning into walking personalities equipped with whit, intelligence, and humor. Each of them are so unique and are the heart and soul of this family. And to think that in a matter of 5 years... 5 YEARS... Nicolas will be an adult... a man... it takes my breath away. Julia turned 10 yesterday- I remember the day I turned ten... and it doesn't feel like 23 years ago. I have so much pride and joy from seeing my children grow and learn and accomplish. But, the selfishness in me wants to make it stop. I have a hard time catching my breath when I think of watching them one by one walk out of my door and into their own lives... but I know its coming... so much faster than I am ready for. There's that lump again... concentrate.
Yesterday we also got news that Chris' uncle Dennis has lung cancer. This felt like a punch in the stomach. We love Dennis and his wife and kids... they are our family. And over the course of the past few years, we've come to appreciate them all so much more... as we've learned to love them not only as family but as friends. I can say- from experience- I know how surreal it feels to be told your parent has cancer. My mom is a cancer survivor... in remission now. It didn't even feel possible when they told us she had to face chemo and immunotherapy. It hurt to see her suffer. It affected every one of us differently but we all struggled through it and hoped and prayed for her to be healed and that the cancer would be treated. It was. So, to once again see this scenario play out with Dennis... is painful. The good news was they caught it early... so, now the fighting begins. I pray for God's hand of mercy on his body- and for comfort to Aunt Debbie and his children (those who married his children, too), and his grandchildren. The lump is bigger now... harder to choke back.
As we laid down to go to bed last night... Chris got a call from his mom. A former classmate had suddenly passed away a few days ago as a result of injuries sustained in a car accident. This man- though I never met him- I had heard stories about. This man- a Godly man- doing the Lord's work through missionary involvement had left behind a wife and three boys... the youngest only a few months old. Chris' last words last night before he went to bed were "This world is so screwed up- and Noah was the one taken? I just don't get it..." My stomach knotted up... that lump in my throat was impossible to fight, and tears began to flow. Chris held me as we fell asleep... time is short... and there are no guarantees of tomorrow.
I think all of this to say- my heart is heavy... I think there is this perception of 'emotional' women... and how we are indiscriminate about our shedding of tears. But, I think that's garbage. Whether or not we swallow that lump or shed tears... the pain, the grieving, the happiness we feel... its a reminder of our humanity. We aren't all the same. We come from different places, different cultures, different backgrounds... but we are all made by the same Father who loves us and who wants to comfort us when we hurt. My heart is heavy- but my hope is in Him.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Six more weeks of Winter??? What's winter?
We live in the south... some people say it isn't the south... that we're midwest (BTW- that's WRONG)... but we live in the south. In the south, climates are generally warmer year round. Though, one of the things that I've always loved about Tennessee is that there are still very distinct seasons here (usually). I've lived here in the winter when it's snowed (more than a dusting), I've lived here in the fall when the leaves fall and there are crisp temps, I've lived here in the summer when its blazing hot, and also in the spring when its warm during the day and the flowers start blooming in March. But, COME ON! I recently read that this is the mildest winter middle Tennessee has had in a decade. It would figure that the first winter we move here... its 70 in FEBRUARY. It's crazy. I'm certainly not used to this and I don't know what to make of it. Up in Baltimore, if we had a warm day or two in the middle or late winter... we know to expect a quick cold snap and usually some true winter weather. I don't know. It may take me a few years to get used to the 100 degree summer days when there are few or no 30 degree winter days. I guess I need to go get a pedicure. :-/
So, on a random note: I've fallen in love with a new (to me) musician. His name? Robert Pattinson. Yes, yes... he's more well known as Edward from the Twilight movie series. BUT... he's an excellent musician. His voice is like velvet... bluesy similar to Ray Lamontagne... but not as thick. I'm attaching a song of his that I LOVE... listen and don't judge. He's fantastic!
http://www.last.fm/music/Robert+Pattinson/_/Never+Think
TODAY- I started level Three of Jillian's 30 day shred. I HATE her! I was so beat up by this level that I continued to sweat for over 90 minutes AFTER I completed her 25 minute workout. I'm expecting GREAT things from this. We'll see...
So, on a random note: I've fallen in love with a new (to me) musician. His name? Robert Pattinson. Yes, yes... he's more well known as Edward from the Twilight movie series. BUT... he's an excellent musician. His voice is like velvet... bluesy similar to Ray Lamontagne... but not as thick. I'm attaching a song of his that I LOVE... listen and don't judge. He's fantastic!
http://www.last.fm/music/Robert+Pattinson/_/Never+Think
TODAY- I started level Three of Jillian's 30 day shred. I HATE her! I was so beat up by this level that I continued to sweat for over 90 minutes AFTER I completed her 25 minute workout. I'm expecting GREAT things from this. We'll see...
Monday, January 30, 2012
What to do?
As a woman, I suppose that when something happens that I don't like or want... my first response is emotional. Truth be told, I don't notice that as my 'conditioned' response and it usually takes my husband pointing it out for me to recognize it. I hate it when he's right.
Tonight, I had a little 'eruption' in my already unsettled spirit- concerning my daughter's education. I won't go into all the details but over the course of the past 4-5 months, we've been researching private schools and have even completed the application/admission process for one school already. Tonight, I found myself praying that Julia is accepted into this school, though we won't know for another 3-4 weeks. I'm now trying to figure out what the next step is- the best step. Chris piped in a little while ago: "its better to be thought a fool and keep quiet, than to open your mouth and it be proved." This is a paraphrase of a proverb in scripture. So, I suppose I will sit for a bit longer and try to figure out what should be done... and how to address it. In the meantime, I'm looking into a few other private options and hoping that we have clarity along the way.
Tomorrow will be day 21 of my 30 day shred. I did miss two days this past week- once due to illness and once due to chaotic schedule (or poor planning)... but I've doubled up two other days to make up for my absences. Tomorrow is weigh in/measure day. I'm not sure what to expect... I haven't been on the scale all week (which is a first for me) and I haven't attempted to measure. So, we'll see. Another 10 days left on this first 30 days- then, I plan to start a second 30 days- with an additional workout plan. I am on a mission. I'm feeling pretty good. I do remind myself a lot- that this is a marathon- not a sprint. Day in and day out... consistency is the key.
So, yesterday, Chris and I embarked on a new adventure in our old married life of over 14 years... we started "Financial Peace University" - through our church. I can say that it helps that Dave Ramsey (the creator of the program) is so comical... but, truth is- this is not something that is going to be easy however, we know that the long term effect from this will be worth the pain of dredging through it in the next 13 weeks. I will warn you, between my intense workout regiment and FPU- I may not be in the best mood for the next 60-90 days. WATCH OUT!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Have I LOST my mind?!?!
Okay- so, day ten is down in the books. Ten days of sweating away with Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. After about day 5, the intense soreness started wearing off... though I still had some discomfort (as you would expect)... it wasn't terrible. The pain has served as a reminder that I'm training flab into muscle and burning calories while I do it. Yesterday, day nine- I decided that I was ready to move on to level two... a day early. I'd pretty much mastered level one and I've seen results already from my work. So, today, I started it up and began my new workout...which I will continue for at least the next 10 days. I can tell you that the 27 minute circuit training workout I endured today with Jillian made me HATE her. All the research that I've done on this video and the results... the whole cyber world discusses and pains over level two. I NOW understand WHY! She is nuts! Seriously, I wanted to hurt her. Now, on the flip side of that... as I"m watching inch by inch my muffin top disappearing... at those times I LOVE her. So. It is what it is. In the meantime, I am recording my progress... and there HAS been progress! My dieting... or calorie counting... or whatever you call it is also going well. There is some mental switch with me when I work out as hard as I have been... I think twice before I shove garbage in my mouth. I'm fighting to get off extra weight... I'm killing myself in sweat... so, I don't have to have sugars or fast foods. I'm okay with that. In fact, today as I hit the grocery store- I realized in hindsight, I spent the majority of my time (and budget) in the fresh foods- fruits and veggies. My kids are just going to love me! (insert sarcasm here). Ten days in- I feel energized, refreshed, and motivated. Full steam ahead!!!
Anyone else out there working on weight loss goals???
Anyone else out there working on weight loss goals???
Friday, January 13, 2012
Time to Man Up...
So, I've spent a lot of years struggling with my weight... like, pretty much my entire life. Looking back, even when I was a size 6 weighing 130 lbs... that isn't what I saw staring back at me in the mirror. After some time in therapy- I'm certain that I have a grip on the reasons why my self image has always been skewed. Regardless, weight is a struggle. Let me back track a bit.
In 1996, I left for college. Prior to my college arrival, I was a very active teenager. I spent all of middle and high school playing sports- basketball (primarily), volleyball, and even softball. I loved sports. Back then, because I was so active... I could eat whatever I wanted and it was never really a thought. I was like most kids- I loved fast food and mountain dew... and again, never really thought about it. So, I started college and my more sedentary life began. Of course, we walked everywhere on campus- but after the first semester (when I met Chris) it became very evident why the "Freshman Fifteen" was more than a taunting joke... it was a reality for most of my college friends. Our eating habits became whatever we wanted them to be- and the Trevecca Special (a $5 Large Papa Johns pie) at curfew (midnight back then) 3 times a week most certainly caught up with most of us. By the fall of my sophomore year, I remember NOT fitting into any of the clothes that I had purchased for my freshman year. In a year, I had gained 25 lbs. In December 1997, Chris and I married and I was up 35 lbs from my arrival at Trevecca. From that point for the next 1.5 years I gained at a steady pace and leveled off just about the time I got pregnant with Nick. After delivering Nick and using the next 4-5 months using the excuse that I had 'just had a baby'- I realized I had to take control. So, I did. Within a matter of about 3 months, I lost about 30 lbs. I went from a size 16 (busting out) to a size 10. I was pleased with my results and maintained that for a bit. Over the course of the next three years, we moved to Maryland, I got complacent again, and I gained all of my weight back... then, I got pregnant again. After delivering Julia, I got serious about weight loss again and over 6 months- dropped those 30 lbs again. Back from a 16 to a 10. I felt good. Then, I got pregnant with Emma. My pregnancy with Em was the first and only one that I didn't tip the scale at over 200 lbs. After delivering Em, I nursed, and because I had lost so much weight prior to the pregnancy- it took awhile to get it back down but I did. I kept it off for awhile... and maintained a healthy weight- fluctuating between a 10-12 for years. In 2007, I dropped an additional 20 lbs and was at the lowest I had been since my freshman year in college. I was wearing a 6/8 and small tops. There were many contributors to that loss- namely- STRESS/depression but once I got a hold on myself- I joined weight watchers and finished the loss healthily. I kept that weight off again for a few years. Then, gradually, I noticed my weight began creeping up. At that point, I made a choice to start running. I found that running was a fantastic outlet for me. It was definitely a love/hate relationship but I felt so good doing it. In the middle of that, I injured my Achilles tendon on both my right and left legs (overuse injuries)- and ended up in PT- the first time on the right leg for 6 weeks. The second injury on my left leg- a grade three tear that I just avoided surgery with--- but the PT lasted 12 weeks this time 3x a week. It was intense but just drove me harder to train right. I registered for a half marathon and pressed on. My weight was staying steady- but I was gaining muscle (which weighs more than fat) and I was in great shape. Then, in the fall of 2010, I could feel my body changing. I was training for the Philly Half- and was on schedule- ran 30 miles one week- then the next week couldn't make myself get out of bed. What the hell?! I felt my body turn on me. Day by day- it became glaringly obvious that I was sick and something was going on. The night we were supposed to leave to head to Philly for the race, Chris asked me to please not run- genuinely concerned for my health and welfare. I agreed. After many months of tests and my inability to be anything but sedentary due to remarkable pain- it was determined that I have SLE- or Lupus. I went on steroids- and remained on two steroids for over three months. My weight climbed. I was more and more uncomfortable with my shape- and my face- and felt more and more unable to be physically active. In the meantime, in addition to not exercising, I let my diet slip and the weight gain continued. I eventually started feeling better- and I attempted to lose some of the weight- but I had gained 30 lbs over the course of about a year. This past summer, we planned and moved to Tennessee. I wasn't able to take any of the weight off- honestly, I didn't try very hard. I missed running and I attempted to go out and run a few times- but I was so heavy- it was awkward and uncomfortable. So, I stopped. Then, in October of 2011, this past fall, I had another flare. It hit me like a ton of bricks and back on the prednisone I went. This time, I was on for 2 months- and I gained an additional 25-30 lbs... this time, in 3 months. Its crazy how out of control it got so fast. So, I've found myself here- VERY dissatisfied with my health, appearance, and confidence. So, I decided I'm done. So- everything changes from here on:
In the past I've done some workouts with a video program of Jillian Michaels called "30 Day Shred." Its insanely INSANE. But, I know that the results are possible and I need a jump start. So, I began a new diet- calorie input watching and making better choices. I also started shredding with Jillian. After the first day- I remembered WHY this video works. SHE IS NUTS! By yesterday (day two), I couldn't take the stairs at all so quickly... one. at. a. time.S.L.O.W.L.Y.... last night, I woke up from pain and discomfort... my arms, legs, calves, back, face (just kidding about the face, kind of)... HURTS. Today... I almost talked myself out of it... but decided that I have to be diligent if I want change. So... I did it. Tonight, I'm walking like a 75 yr old woman. But, I know... that if I keep with this that the changes I NEED are going to happen. So, all of the above to say... I'll be blogging more about my journey and my extreme love/hate for Jillian Michaels.... I realize that weight is something that many American's deal with... so, I'm sure that there are plenty of you who read my ramblings who will relate... PLEASE keep me accountable. I need some follow up! I do have a full plan ahead... small goals... big goals. I've measured, weighed, and taken pictures (not sure I"ll ever share... but maybe, we'll see)... and I'm ready for this journey to begin and end. I'm on my way... to getting healthy again and I cannot wait. Just remind me--- no pain... no gain!
In 1996, I left for college. Prior to my college arrival, I was a very active teenager. I spent all of middle and high school playing sports- basketball (primarily), volleyball, and even softball. I loved sports. Back then, because I was so active... I could eat whatever I wanted and it was never really a thought. I was like most kids- I loved fast food and mountain dew... and again, never really thought about it. So, I started college and my more sedentary life began. Of course, we walked everywhere on campus- but after the first semester (when I met Chris) it became very evident why the "Freshman Fifteen" was more than a taunting joke... it was a reality for most of my college friends. Our eating habits became whatever we wanted them to be- and the Trevecca Special (a $5 Large Papa Johns pie) at curfew (midnight back then) 3 times a week most certainly caught up with most of us. By the fall of my sophomore year, I remember NOT fitting into any of the clothes that I had purchased for my freshman year. In a year, I had gained 25 lbs. In December 1997, Chris and I married and I was up 35 lbs from my arrival at Trevecca. From that point for the next 1.5 years I gained at a steady pace and leveled off just about the time I got pregnant with Nick. After delivering Nick and using the next 4-5 months using the excuse that I had 'just had a baby'- I realized I had to take control. So, I did. Within a matter of about 3 months, I lost about 30 lbs. I went from a size 16 (busting out) to a size 10. I was pleased with my results and maintained that for a bit. Over the course of the next three years, we moved to Maryland, I got complacent again, and I gained all of my weight back... then, I got pregnant again. After delivering Julia, I got serious about weight loss again and over 6 months- dropped those 30 lbs again. Back from a 16 to a 10. I felt good. Then, I got pregnant with Emma. My pregnancy with Em was the first and only one that I didn't tip the scale at over 200 lbs. After delivering Em, I nursed, and because I had lost so much weight prior to the pregnancy- it took awhile to get it back down but I did. I kept it off for awhile... and maintained a healthy weight- fluctuating between a 10-12 for years. In 2007, I dropped an additional 20 lbs and was at the lowest I had been since my freshman year in college. I was wearing a 6/8 and small tops. There were many contributors to that loss- namely- STRESS/depression but once I got a hold on myself- I joined weight watchers and finished the loss healthily. I kept that weight off again for a few years. Then, gradually, I noticed my weight began creeping up. At that point, I made a choice to start running. I found that running was a fantastic outlet for me. It was definitely a love/hate relationship but I felt so good doing it. In the middle of that, I injured my Achilles tendon on both my right and left legs (overuse injuries)- and ended up in PT- the first time on the right leg for 6 weeks. The second injury on my left leg- a grade three tear that I just avoided surgery with--- but the PT lasted 12 weeks this time 3x a week. It was intense but just drove me harder to train right. I registered for a half marathon and pressed on. My weight was staying steady- but I was gaining muscle (which weighs more than fat) and I was in great shape. Then, in the fall of 2010, I could feel my body changing. I was training for the Philly Half- and was on schedule- ran 30 miles one week- then the next week couldn't make myself get out of bed. What the hell?! I felt my body turn on me. Day by day- it became glaringly obvious that I was sick and something was going on. The night we were supposed to leave to head to Philly for the race, Chris asked me to please not run- genuinely concerned for my health and welfare. I agreed. After many months of tests and my inability to be anything but sedentary due to remarkable pain- it was determined that I have SLE- or Lupus. I went on steroids- and remained on two steroids for over three months. My weight climbed. I was more and more uncomfortable with my shape- and my face- and felt more and more unable to be physically active. In the meantime, in addition to not exercising, I let my diet slip and the weight gain continued. I eventually started feeling better- and I attempted to lose some of the weight- but I had gained 30 lbs over the course of about a year. This past summer, we planned and moved to Tennessee. I wasn't able to take any of the weight off- honestly, I didn't try very hard. I missed running and I attempted to go out and run a few times- but I was so heavy- it was awkward and uncomfortable. So, I stopped. Then, in October of 2011, this past fall, I had another flare. It hit me like a ton of bricks and back on the prednisone I went. This time, I was on for 2 months- and I gained an additional 25-30 lbs... this time, in 3 months. Its crazy how out of control it got so fast. So, I've found myself here- VERY dissatisfied with my health, appearance, and confidence. So, I decided I'm done. So- everything changes from here on:
In the past I've done some workouts with a video program of Jillian Michaels called "30 Day Shred." Its insanely INSANE. But, I know that the results are possible and I need a jump start. So, I began a new diet- calorie input watching and making better choices. I also started shredding with Jillian. After the first day- I remembered WHY this video works. SHE IS NUTS! By yesterday (day two), I couldn't take the stairs at all so quickly... one. at. a. time.S.L.O.W.L.Y.... last night, I woke up from pain and discomfort... my arms, legs, calves, back, face (just kidding about the face, kind of)... HURTS. Today... I almost talked myself out of it... but decided that I have to be diligent if I want change. So... I did it. Tonight, I'm walking like a 75 yr old woman. But, I know... that if I keep with this that the changes I NEED are going to happen. So, all of the above to say... I'll be blogging more about my journey and my extreme love/hate for Jillian Michaels.... I realize that weight is something that many American's deal with... so, I'm sure that there are plenty of you who read my ramblings who will relate... PLEASE keep me accountable. I need some follow up! I do have a full plan ahead... small goals... big goals. I've measured, weighed, and taken pictures (not sure I"ll ever share... but maybe, we'll see)... and I'm ready for this journey to begin and end. I'm on my way... to getting healthy again and I cannot wait. Just remind me--- no pain... no gain!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Good Riddance 2011
Its been a hell of a year for the Cox family. Its funny... I remember two New Year's Eve's in a row saying "its got to be better next year... cause it CERTAINLY couldn't be any worse." I can say- I've learned my lesson. Things can ALWAYS get worse. So, this year- I'm not saying that... what I am saying is that I'm trying to learn from the hard times and press forward to a happier new year.
2011 brought a lot of changes for our family- a lot of focus and redirection for me and Chris- and a lot of realization of what is important and what is not. I'm not going to go into the details but I can say that 2011 was undoubtedly the toughest year of my life. I am thankful to close the door and walk into another year in a new house, a new town, a new state, and a new life. We have had a very enjoyable Christmas and New year with a ton of family... some from here in Nashville, some from Maryland, and some from Alabama. I am thankful for all we have and for the blessing it is to be with family. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
In the coming year- my plans are few... but I do intend to finish up an album--- singer songwriter in nature... not anything anyone has heard from me thus far. This album is personal- songs are real- emotions are honest. This project will be the product of my last few years of life experiences. Stay tuned.
School is on hold for a bit... with my health being so up and down... I don't want to start back into it until I really have the lupus under control. I've felt good for about 6-8 weeks. Of course, with the steroid treatment- I've continued to battle weight gain and so I will spend the new year fighting to get my health back... my weight back down to where it should be... and my lupus in remission.
Chris started a new job last week... so far, so good. We think it will be a good fit. We're looking forward to seeing how things work out for him in his new position.
The kids are pressing onward with school... though, we are in the works with a new school option for Julia. We are in application process and as we find out more... we'll share more. In the meantime, we're hoping all goes well.
I'll end this- my first post of 2012 by just saying Welcome NEW YEAR... I'm so happy you're here!!!
2011 brought a lot of changes for our family- a lot of focus and redirection for me and Chris- and a lot of realization of what is important and what is not. I'm not going to go into the details but I can say that 2011 was undoubtedly the toughest year of my life. I am thankful to close the door and walk into another year in a new house, a new town, a new state, and a new life. We have had a very enjoyable Christmas and New year with a ton of family... some from here in Nashville, some from Maryland, and some from Alabama. I am thankful for all we have and for the blessing it is to be with family. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
In the coming year- my plans are few... but I do intend to finish up an album--- singer songwriter in nature... not anything anyone has heard from me thus far. This album is personal- songs are real- emotions are honest. This project will be the product of my last few years of life experiences. Stay tuned.
School is on hold for a bit... with my health being so up and down... I don't want to start back into it until I really have the lupus under control. I've felt good for about 6-8 weeks. Of course, with the steroid treatment- I've continued to battle weight gain and so I will spend the new year fighting to get my health back... my weight back down to where it should be... and my lupus in remission.
Chris started a new job last week... so far, so good. We think it will be a good fit. We're looking forward to seeing how things work out for him in his new position.
The kids are pressing onward with school... though, we are in the works with a new school option for Julia. We are in application process and as we find out more... we'll share more. In the meantime, we're hoping all goes well.
I'll end this- my first post of 2012 by just saying Welcome NEW YEAR... I'm so happy you're here!!!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Halloween... spiritual depravity?
So, I've contemplated blogging on this very touchy Christian/pagan subject and had decided against it. However, the more I've thought about it... the more I think there are some things that I need to say when it comes to Halloween.
I'll start with saying: in my life as a child/teen- I only remember trick or treating one year. That year, I don't know what made my folks decide it was ok- but my grandparents had celebrated their anniversary in hawaii that year and had purchased and sent full hula costumes for us girls- complete with grass skirts. I vaguely remember us going to a few friends of my parent's houses... not a neighborhood thing... no major big deal. Honestly, I never felt like I was deprived by not participating. I really didn't care. As we got older and were in public schools- it was a little more difficult to explain to peers that we didn't dress up and trick or treat... but, as soon as November 1st hit... life was all about Christmas anyway.
As adults, Chris and I have made the 'stand' to not participate with Halloween with our children. We never purchased candy and distributed... we never bought costumes.... we never really felt much need to address it with the kids with the exception of : we don't do it. However, for the first time in our married life of almost 14 years, we seemed to come to the same place on this subject... at the same time, this Halloween.
We recently moved to a new neighborhood- new town- new state... as you can imagine, when you pick up your family from a place that you've made home for the last 11 years- the adjustment can take a little while. We've enjoyed getting to know our neighbors and we love our neighborhood... and we noticed fairly quickly of the talk about Halloween in the neighborhood. It's a big deal here. Chris and I talked about it and surprisingly enough- the things in the past that had tripped us up on Halloween seemed trivial and divisive. We know the history- we are informed- we know the darkness of the roots of this tradition. We know November 1st is All Saint's Day- we know. Pagan.- Its a word that Christian's throw around but the connotation associated with it... seems to upset the actual definition. So, I thought I'd highlight the definition of pagan - here goes: 1. a member of a group professing a polytheistic religion or any religion other than Christianity, Judaism, or Islam
2. a person without any religion; heathen ;
As I go further into this: I think you should also know- I don't enjoy Halloween. I don't like scary. I don't like creepy. I don't do bloody or evil. But... I do LOVE people... and I want to be known as someone who loves my neighbor as myself. I think its also important to note that we've been part of multiple churches and bodies of believers who have made public opinions/standings on Halloween and why Christians should not participate period. I can say- in those same groups of believers and Christians- I've seen flat out sin and lack of love for fellow believers to the extreme of divisive relationships and separation of groups with little in the way of mercy or forgiveness let alone grace and patience. I can tell you- all I hear is clanging cymbals. So, for many of the reasons I am expressing and for some reasons that I don't feel the need to go into... for the love of our neighbors, for the adherence to the new culture we are assimilating to, and for the grace and divine discernment that ONLY God can sometimes give you... or me... we participated/bought costumes/walked around with our neighbors and enjoyed our first Halloween as a Christian family. I can tell you... it doesn't matter to me what people think about how I raise my children or about the decisions that we choose to make regarding our family. I think that we've realized through all of the clarity of "understanding" the truth and for throwing that at other believers when they didn't have the 'spiritual maturity' that we did in participating in functions or activities... we lost ourselves in pride and judgmentalness. I don't ever want to look down on my Christian brothers and sisters and pretend that I know or understand more than they do... or that I 'get it' when maybe they don't... yet. Instead, I want to love others and I want my children to love others- for their differences and their similarities. I think for me... what Halloween boils down to: when you think you've got it all figured out... hold tight... the ground might just start shifting on you. God is good!(even on Halloween). :-)
I'll start with saying: in my life as a child/teen- I only remember trick or treating one year. That year, I don't know what made my folks decide it was ok- but my grandparents had celebrated their anniversary in hawaii that year and had purchased and sent full hula costumes for us girls- complete with grass skirts. I vaguely remember us going to a few friends of my parent's houses... not a neighborhood thing... no major big deal. Honestly, I never felt like I was deprived by not participating. I really didn't care. As we got older and were in public schools- it was a little more difficult to explain to peers that we didn't dress up and trick or treat... but, as soon as November 1st hit... life was all about Christmas anyway.
As adults, Chris and I have made the 'stand' to not participate with Halloween with our children. We never purchased candy and distributed... we never bought costumes.... we never really felt much need to address it with the kids with the exception of : we don't do it. However, for the first time in our married life of almost 14 years, we seemed to come to the same place on this subject... at the same time, this Halloween.
We recently moved to a new neighborhood- new town- new state... as you can imagine, when you pick up your family from a place that you've made home for the last 11 years- the adjustment can take a little while. We've enjoyed getting to know our neighbors and we love our neighborhood... and we noticed fairly quickly of the talk about Halloween in the neighborhood. It's a big deal here. Chris and I talked about it and surprisingly enough- the things in the past that had tripped us up on Halloween seemed trivial and divisive. We know the history- we are informed- we know the darkness of the roots of this tradition. We know November 1st is All Saint's Day- we know. Pagan.- Its a word that Christian's throw around but the connotation associated with it... seems to upset the actual definition. So, I thought I'd highlight the definition of pagan - here goes: 1. a member of a group professing a polytheistic religion or any religion other than Christianity, Judaism, or Islam
2. a person without any religion; heathen ;
As I go further into this: I think you should also know- I don't enjoy Halloween. I don't like scary. I don't like creepy. I don't do bloody or evil. But... I do LOVE people... and I want to be known as someone who loves my neighbor as myself. I think its also important to note that we've been part of multiple churches and bodies of believers who have made public opinions/standings on Halloween and why Christians should not participate period. I can say- in those same groups of believers and Christians- I've seen flat out sin and lack of love for fellow believers to the extreme of divisive relationships and separation of groups with little in the way of mercy or forgiveness let alone grace and patience. I can tell you- all I hear is clanging cymbals. So, for many of the reasons I am expressing and for some reasons that I don't feel the need to go into... for the love of our neighbors, for the adherence to the new culture we are assimilating to, and for the grace and divine discernment that ONLY God can sometimes give you... or me... we participated/bought costumes/walked around with our neighbors and enjoyed our first Halloween as a Christian family. I can tell you... it doesn't matter to me what people think about how I raise my children or about the decisions that we choose to make regarding our family. I think that we've realized through all of the clarity of "understanding" the truth and for throwing that at other believers when they didn't have the 'spiritual maturity' that we did in participating in functions or activities... we lost ourselves in pride and judgmentalness. I don't ever want to look down on my Christian brothers and sisters and pretend that I know or understand more than they do... or that I 'get it' when maybe they don't... yet. Instead, I want to love others and I want my children to love others- for their differences and their similarities. I think for me... what Halloween boils down to: when you think you've got it all figured out... hold tight... the ground might just start shifting on you. God is good!(even on Halloween). :-)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Late in the week- Update...
I have had multiple emails, texts, calls, etc concerning the goings on of my health currently. So, I thought I would quickly just give a mid/late week update with what I found out yesterday:
On both Monday and Tuesday I went to the doctor. Monday was to an emergent care type of place. The doctor there confirmed by swollen lymph nodes and started me on a course of prednisone. His suggestion was to get into a permanent family doctor ASAP for continued treatment and maintenance. THANKFULLY, I was successful in finding a family doctor who is only about 10 minutes down the road and to whom I was excessively impressed with. On Tuesday afternoon, I met with my new family doctor who began a battery of labs on me. I got a call yesterday afternoon with my results. Here's how it breaks down:
1. Vitamin D is a 24. The bottom normal of vitamin D starts at 32... so, its way off. This has been a continued problem for the past year in conjunction with the beginning SLE (Systematic Lupus Erythematosus) diagnosis. Evidently, those two things are very closely linked. As a result, he has started me on a high dose of vitamin D which I will continue for 3 months before having labs rechecked.
2. Last fall, also in conjunction with the SLE, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (under active thyroid). I was informed this is also a common problem with lupus. Last year my dosing started at .25 and then increased to .5 but as of yesterday, due to the low levels, my dosage has doubled and I'm now on 1.0 of synthroid to help with this problem.
3. My WBC (white blood count), lymphocytes, and neutrophils were all 'very' elevated, which the doctor said is indicative of an acute bacterial infection. Interestingly enough, while at both doctors this week, they did the routine checking of my ears, nose, throat, and lungs and both doctors said everything was clear with no infection. Obviously, somewhere in my body... infection is plaguing me... so- I have been started on an antibiotic which will hopefully knock whatever it is causing the problem OUT fast.
With all of the above- the good news was that my kidney and liver functions were good- though bordering the low end of normal. The rest of my electrolytes looked fine and so did my red blood count and platelets. So... the course of treatment is all I mentioned above, as well as continuing on the prednisone. And the doctors office is making the referral appointment to Vanderbilt hospital for a rheumatologist there. We are hoping to get an appointment prior to Thanksgiving to kind of keep the flare from getting worse and to keep everything under some type of 'control.'
Currently, I can just say that I am frustrated and extremely fatigued. The most aggravating symptoms I'm dealing with are the flushed/red facial 'rash', on again off again temperature, and fatigue. My Raynaud's (blue fingers) is acting up almost daily... but, I don't necessarily mind that so much. So, that's it in a nutshell. I'm making adjustments to daily life to alleviate some stress and increased pressure and hopefully that will help. If you think of me, whisper a prayer... I can use it!
On both Monday and Tuesday I went to the doctor. Monday was to an emergent care type of place. The doctor there confirmed by swollen lymph nodes and started me on a course of prednisone. His suggestion was to get into a permanent family doctor ASAP for continued treatment and maintenance. THANKFULLY, I was successful in finding a family doctor who is only about 10 minutes down the road and to whom I was excessively impressed with. On Tuesday afternoon, I met with my new family doctor who began a battery of labs on me. I got a call yesterday afternoon with my results. Here's how it breaks down:
1. Vitamin D is a 24. The bottom normal of vitamin D starts at 32... so, its way off. This has been a continued problem for the past year in conjunction with the beginning SLE (Systematic Lupus Erythematosus) diagnosis. Evidently, those two things are very closely linked. As a result, he has started me on a high dose of vitamin D which I will continue for 3 months before having labs rechecked.
2. Last fall, also in conjunction with the SLE, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (under active thyroid). I was informed this is also a common problem with lupus. Last year my dosing started at .25 and then increased to .5 but as of yesterday, due to the low levels, my dosage has doubled and I'm now on 1.0 of synthroid to help with this problem.
3. My WBC (white blood count), lymphocytes, and neutrophils were all 'very' elevated, which the doctor said is indicative of an acute bacterial infection. Interestingly enough, while at both doctors this week, they did the routine checking of my ears, nose, throat, and lungs and both doctors said everything was clear with no infection. Obviously, somewhere in my body... infection is plaguing me... so- I have been started on an antibiotic which will hopefully knock whatever it is causing the problem OUT fast.
With all of the above- the good news was that my kidney and liver functions were good- though bordering the low end of normal. The rest of my electrolytes looked fine and so did my red blood count and platelets. So... the course of treatment is all I mentioned above, as well as continuing on the prednisone. And the doctors office is making the referral appointment to Vanderbilt hospital for a rheumatologist there. We are hoping to get an appointment prior to Thanksgiving to kind of keep the flare from getting worse and to keep everything under some type of 'control.'
Currently, I can just say that I am frustrated and extremely fatigued. The most aggravating symptoms I'm dealing with are the flushed/red facial 'rash', on again off again temperature, and fatigue. My Raynaud's (blue fingers) is acting up almost daily... but, I don't necessarily mind that so much. So, that's it in a nutshell. I'm making adjustments to daily life to alleviate some stress and increased pressure and hopefully that will help. If you think of me, whisper a prayer... I can use it!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Voila! Prednisone!
So, I've mentioned that I've been feeling a little defeated in the health arena lately. I have boughts of fatigue which can happen to any busy mom but mine seems to last for extended periods of time paired with blue fingers (Raynaud's Phenomenon) and a variety of other pleasant health dysfunctions. Last week, I came down with a nasty upper respiratory infection of some sort- although it felt very "flu-like." After a week of riding my bed and sofa, I finally started to feel a tad bit better on Saturday morning and yesterday I felt a little more like myself. Imagine my surprise last night when I accidentally discovered that my lymph nodes on the right side of my neck were severely swollen. The swelling was so significant that it truly freaked me out. So, this morning, bright and early at 7:15 am, I made an appointment with what will be my new family doctor here in town... but as a new patient, they can't get me in until next week. Their suggestion, due to the acute swelling, see an urgent care doctor today to start treatment. So, I did. I briefly went through my recent history and expressed my concern with the swelling in my lymph nodes. He examined me and was equally impressed with the size of my glands on the right side. His exact words were: " with as large as your lymph nodes are currently, I would expect to find a raging infection in your ear, throat, and/ or lungs. But you don't have any of those. This is a definite auto immune reaction." FANTASTIC. He went on to inform me that if I were symptomatic (complaining of sore throat, difficulty swallowing, and/or high temp) that he would've sent me on for a CAT scan... but instead, he believes that I need to start a round of steroids immediately to get this inflammation under control. FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC! His next piece of advice... STOP. He told me that I have to slow down, that if I don't, I'll end up very ill very fast. So, here we are again, almost a year later... a doctor in another state telling me that I have begun a 'flare' and has begun me on steroids for at least the next 16 days. In the meantime, I have to declutter my life and allow my body time to rest and hopefully recover. I also have to find a rheumatalogist ASAP to try and help with maintenance on this lovely condition. In the meantime, I am very frustrated with this whole ordeal.
Chris is headed back to Maryland tomorrow for the last time of this transition. He will be there for about a week... although the time line hasn't really been clearly laid out for me as far as what his plans are. I'm so over this separation and traveling/distance. So glad that its almost over. Currently, he is still looking for a job- but his current employer has asked for him to stay on until November 18th-- which is great- that gives us another month of insurance and gives him more time to land a job here in Nashville. He has several leads but the process is going way slower than we had initially anticipated. We're hoping that we won't be dealing with a lapse of employment at all... of course.
Alright, girls are home from school... mommyhood calls.
Chris is headed back to Maryland tomorrow for the last time of this transition. He will be there for about a week... although the time line hasn't really been clearly laid out for me as far as what his plans are. I'm so over this separation and traveling/distance. So glad that its almost over. Currently, he is still looking for a job- but his current employer has asked for him to stay on until November 18th-- which is great- that gives us another month of insurance and gives him more time to land a job here in Nashville. He has several leads but the process is going way slower than we had initially anticipated. We're hoping that we won't be dealing with a lapse of employment at all... of course.
Alright, girls are home from school... mommyhood calls.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
82 days until Christmas
The holidays are coming... I know, I know... summer has just officially turned to fall... and I'm talking about the holidays. I sat down last night and filled in my planner with all the things that go into a planner: practices, games, due dates for assignments, birthdays, anniversary's, and HOLIDAY VACATIONS! I have to say, I think the reason I'm so looking forward to the holidays is because I want to REST. I want to sleep in past 7 am and go to bed late after watching a great movie with the family. I want to make cookies and pumpkin bread and decorate our tree and house. I want to methodically plan out gifts for those that I love. But... again... I want to rest. FYI: 82 days until Christmas!
so, if you follow my facebook: you will know that by some freak of nature, Nick broke his right hand/wrist on Wednesday of last week during football practice and his left arm/radial head on Saturday night here in the neighborhood. Chris is in Maryland for another four days- and has been there since last Tuesday night... so, its been a blast around here. I sat in the dr's office for 90 minutes on Saturday morning for her to tell me what I knew: put him in a brace and wait until we see the ortho on Monday. Then, later that night while playing/running with a friend, Nick tripped on a large rock and crashed to the pavement. He came in whimpering and it was fairly obvious that he had broken his arm. I then spent late Saturday night and early Sunday morning in the ER with Nick. The ER doc said she "knew" it was a radial head fracture but couldn't visualize it on the xray. She splinted him good and told me to get into the ortho early on Monday. So, I kept Nick home from school today since I had class and I wasn't sure when his appointment was going to be. They got him in around 1pm this afternoon- and took some xrays. Low and behold: that radial head fracture was VERY obvious- and the suspected stress fracture on his right hand was confirmed. The recovery times on both of those injuries? 6-8 weeks on the arm/elbow/radial head and 8-12 weeks on the stress fracture due to the awful location of it. Just fantastic. So, I spent this afternoon at Nick's school talking with the administrators and his homeroom teacher to make sure there would be accommodations made for him. Considering he is unable to write, carry his book bag, carry a tray, do any physical activity-- I thought we should have some type of plan for him. Later on, on my way back from dance with Emma, I stopped by the school again and discussed Nick's injuries with the football coach. The good news is: this was the last week of the season- so, he only missed a few practices and two games. The bad news is: he broke both arms/wrists/hands!
We are officially into the final month of Chris' transition from his current position, THANK GOD!!! He'll be home on Friday night and should be here for a few weeks before returning to Maryland for one final stay as they finish up and close up his office. I am so ready for him to be here permanently. In the meantime, he has met with multiple recruiters and he has had one promising interview and a phone interview with another company who he'll be meeting with again a week from today. Both of the companies he's interviewed with so far are great opportunities for him. We are really hoping that he'll be able to secure a position in the next few weeks prior to his completion at Flex. But, we'll see how that goes. Right now: we are in crunch time and we're getting a little nervous.
Temps have been mild and somewhat cool for this area of the country this early in the season. I love it! However, my hands have already started turning blue again. I'm learning to take signs from my body and I can definitely tell when I'm overdoing it. I've had a few boughts of achiness and soreness along with fatigue-- so I'm really trying to watch it. I haven't sought out a family dr or vascular or rheumatologist here... but, I may need to work on that. I do have steroids on hand, if I need them... but I'm hoping to avoid that for as long as possible. I'm certain that the first thing I need to be doing is getting more rest. Of course, that's a bit of an issue as I play the role of single parent. For now, I'm pressing through and trying not to overdo it. TRYING...
Good night moon.
so, if you follow my facebook: you will know that by some freak of nature, Nick broke his right hand/wrist on Wednesday of last week during football practice and his left arm/radial head on Saturday night here in the neighborhood. Chris is in Maryland for another four days- and has been there since last Tuesday night... so, its been a blast around here. I sat in the dr's office for 90 minutes on Saturday morning for her to tell me what I knew: put him in a brace and wait until we see the ortho on Monday. Then, later that night while playing/running with a friend, Nick tripped on a large rock and crashed to the pavement. He came in whimpering and it was fairly obvious that he had broken his arm. I then spent late Saturday night and early Sunday morning in the ER with Nick. The ER doc said she "knew" it was a radial head fracture but couldn't visualize it on the xray. She splinted him good and told me to get into the ortho early on Monday. So, I kept Nick home from school today since I had class and I wasn't sure when his appointment was going to be. They got him in around 1pm this afternoon- and took some xrays. Low and behold: that radial head fracture was VERY obvious- and the suspected stress fracture on his right hand was confirmed. The recovery times on both of those injuries? 6-8 weeks on the arm/elbow/radial head and 8-12 weeks on the stress fracture due to the awful location of it. Just fantastic. So, I spent this afternoon at Nick's school talking with the administrators and his homeroom teacher to make sure there would be accommodations made for him. Considering he is unable to write, carry his book bag, carry a tray, do any physical activity-- I thought we should have some type of plan for him. Later on, on my way back from dance with Emma, I stopped by the school again and discussed Nick's injuries with the football coach. The good news is: this was the last week of the season- so, he only missed a few practices and two games. The bad news is: he broke both arms/wrists/hands!
We are officially into the final month of Chris' transition from his current position, THANK GOD!!! He'll be home on Friday night and should be here for a few weeks before returning to Maryland for one final stay as they finish up and close up his office. I am so ready for him to be here permanently. In the meantime, he has met with multiple recruiters and he has had one promising interview and a phone interview with another company who he'll be meeting with again a week from today. Both of the companies he's interviewed with so far are great opportunities for him. We are really hoping that he'll be able to secure a position in the next few weeks prior to his completion at Flex. But, we'll see how that goes. Right now: we are in crunch time and we're getting a little nervous.
Temps have been mild and somewhat cool for this area of the country this early in the season. I love it! However, my hands have already started turning blue again. I'm learning to take signs from my body and I can definitely tell when I'm overdoing it. I've had a few boughts of achiness and soreness along with fatigue-- so I'm really trying to watch it. I haven't sought out a family dr or vascular or rheumatologist here... but, I may need to work on that. I do have steroids on hand, if I need them... but I'm hoping to avoid that for as long as possible. I'm certain that the first thing I need to be doing is getting more rest. Of course, that's a bit of an issue as I play the role of single parent. For now, I'm pressing through and trying not to overdo it. TRYING...
Good night moon.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
All Things Beautiful...
Anyone outside of the Nashville area will have NO idea what a Williamson County life looks like. Those of you who don't understand... you may think, how much can a county affect your family or who you are... or better... who you are expected to be? Well, let me fill you in:
In 2011, Williamson county was ranked #17 of the top 25 wealthiest counties in the United States. Among those other counties ranked in the top 25 are those around the DC area and in other densely populated areas in the North East of the country. Now, income/wealth are only one aspect of the Williamson county life that I referring to- but it is a component. I've observed this county as an outsider and now (2 months in) as a resident and I can say I'm learning a lot. There are areas of the county that are seen as "nicer" or more "rural" than others. There are areas of the county where the schools are considered superior or inferior to others. There are areas of the county were the towns are referred to as more "friendly" than others. Thankfully, what we've found in this community that we so carefully chose to live is friendly, real neighbors; teachers who are committed to working with our kids to their fullest potential; and a focus on family and not on possession. I've considered over the past few months what it must feel like to live in other areas of this county- the pressure to fit in, the expectation of measuring up, and the need to constantly appear proper to everyone. I can say- if I've learned anything over the past few years of my life- its that I DO NOT measure up... I'm a mess. For a long time, I tried to ignore it, and then I tried to conceal it, and I've finally just accepted it. It doesn't mean that I'm not driven to be better- or be what I am intended to be... but what it does mean is that I won't bury myself in the guilt or shame or frustration of not being what other people think I should be... I will never live my life like that again. What you see is what you get with me... So, I've found it interesting that in our choosing this VERY suburban community to assimilate into, that we chose (without a whole ton of research) a community that seems to suit our life as a family to an almost exact proximity. Sure, the houses are a little closer than we are used to, and the yard is a little smaller than what we came from, and its a tad bit warmer than we have grown accustomed to... but, I have to say: I do love it here. I don't want to be just another "Williamson County Family." I want to raise my children in a community that we are invested in with people that we love and trust and I want my kids to know that your zip code doesn't matter any more than your job title does...
I light of the "Williamson county" life that I am adjusting to--- I've spent the past week considering where we've come from... and I don't mean geography. I've mentioned that the past three or so years have been insanely difficult- and they have. There were many many days that I wished I could wake up from the nightmare I was trapped in. We felt our lives collapsing from every angle and the foundation that we thought was so firm suddenly became very shaky. There were people in our life that encouraged us on our road, reassuring us of how much God really loved us. They were confident that in the end, we'd see that love in the clarity that HE would reveal to us in His own time. This week... just this week, that happened. Somehow out of so much pain and anger and bitterness (yes, bitterness)... there is clarity. It doesn't mean that we aren't jaded... it doesn't mean that we aren't guarded or cynical... (I hope one day that all wears away too)... but what it does mean is that NOW I can see clearly. Would I want to do it all over again? Absolutely not. However, through a devotional this week I realized that the horrible things that happen in our lives during terrible dark seasons... those things aren't just done TO us or FOR us... those instances in life when we feel like we can't breathe anymore... and then we do... those instances are for us to live through and share. The bad is made good- ashes are turned to beauty- and we get to survive and share. I told Chris last night, I want to write a book. I'm not sure what direction I want to take. I don't know when I'll start or when I'll finish. I don't know if I'll write it and tuck it away or if I will publish it. I don't know. What I do know is that in my medial 32 plus years of life... I've experienced a lot of it. And even though God has given me clarity--- maybe it wasn't all just for me. I can't promise that I'll ever be an eloquent writer- all I can promise is that I'll be real. Honesty is not for the weak...
I'll finish with this- we went to a show last night for a band called Gungor. They were phenomenal. Eclectic, anointed lyrics, music, and ability was what they displayed. As we drove home last night I told Chris, there was so much honesty in the music/lyrics that we had just heard. This man and his wife (who write all their own music) had lived life- I don't know the details of their circumstances- but he poured out his life and his pain and his happiness and his frustration in his music. To be honest, they are out of the box and a lot of people won't 'get it' when they hear Gungor's message. But, that music last night spoke to me a further element of clarity than a simple conversation could. Out of their beautiful message of song- it further confirmed this message that God has been delivering me all week: He makes all things beautiful.
In 2011, Williamson county was ranked #17 of the top 25 wealthiest counties in the United States. Among those other counties ranked in the top 25 are those around the DC area and in other densely populated areas in the North East of the country. Now, income/wealth are only one aspect of the Williamson county life that I referring to- but it is a component. I've observed this county as an outsider and now (2 months in) as a resident and I can say I'm learning a lot. There are areas of the county that are seen as "nicer" or more "rural" than others. There are areas of the county where the schools are considered superior or inferior to others. There are areas of the county were the towns are referred to as more "friendly" than others. Thankfully, what we've found in this community that we so carefully chose to live is friendly, real neighbors; teachers who are committed to working with our kids to their fullest potential; and a focus on family and not on possession. I've considered over the past few months what it must feel like to live in other areas of this county- the pressure to fit in, the expectation of measuring up, and the need to constantly appear proper to everyone. I can say- if I've learned anything over the past few years of my life- its that I DO NOT measure up... I'm a mess. For a long time, I tried to ignore it, and then I tried to conceal it, and I've finally just accepted it. It doesn't mean that I'm not driven to be better- or be what I am intended to be... but what it does mean is that I won't bury myself in the guilt or shame or frustration of not being what other people think I should be... I will never live my life like that again. What you see is what you get with me... So, I've found it interesting that in our choosing this VERY suburban community to assimilate into, that we chose (without a whole ton of research) a community that seems to suit our life as a family to an almost exact proximity. Sure, the houses are a little closer than we are used to, and the yard is a little smaller than what we came from, and its a tad bit warmer than we have grown accustomed to... but, I have to say: I do love it here. I don't want to be just another "Williamson County Family." I want to raise my children in a community that we are invested in with people that we love and trust and I want my kids to know that your zip code doesn't matter any more than your job title does...
I light of the "Williamson county" life that I am adjusting to--- I've spent the past week considering where we've come from... and I don't mean geography. I've mentioned that the past three or so years have been insanely difficult- and they have. There were many many days that I wished I could wake up from the nightmare I was trapped in. We felt our lives collapsing from every angle and the foundation that we thought was so firm suddenly became very shaky. There were people in our life that encouraged us on our road, reassuring us of how much God really loved us. They were confident that in the end, we'd see that love in the clarity that HE would reveal to us in His own time. This week... just this week, that happened. Somehow out of so much pain and anger and bitterness (yes, bitterness)... there is clarity. It doesn't mean that we aren't jaded... it doesn't mean that we aren't guarded or cynical... (I hope one day that all wears away too)... but what it does mean is that NOW I can see clearly. Would I want to do it all over again? Absolutely not. However, through a devotional this week I realized that the horrible things that happen in our lives during terrible dark seasons... those things aren't just done TO us or FOR us... those instances in life when we feel like we can't breathe anymore... and then we do... those instances are for us to live through and share. The bad is made good- ashes are turned to beauty- and we get to survive and share. I told Chris last night, I want to write a book. I'm not sure what direction I want to take. I don't know when I'll start or when I'll finish. I don't know if I'll write it and tuck it away or if I will publish it. I don't know. What I do know is that in my medial 32 plus years of life... I've experienced a lot of it. And even though God has given me clarity--- maybe it wasn't all just for me. I can't promise that I'll ever be an eloquent writer- all I can promise is that I'll be real. Honesty is not for the weak...
I'll finish with this- we went to a show last night for a band called Gungor. They were phenomenal. Eclectic, anointed lyrics, music, and ability was what they displayed. As we drove home last night I told Chris, there was so much honesty in the music/lyrics that we had just heard. This man and his wife (who write all their own music) had lived life- I don't know the details of their circumstances- but he poured out his life and his pain and his happiness and his frustration in his music. To be honest, they are out of the box and a lot of people won't 'get it' when they hear Gungor's message. But, that music last night spoke to me a further element of clarity than a simple conversation could. Out of their beautiful message of song- it further confirmed this message that God has been delivering me all week: He makes all things beautiful.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Reality.
Its been a long week. I think the reality of being here without Chris- being a mom to four- and being a full time student has set in and is A LOT to juggle. Somehow, we manage to get everyone to school, practices, and bed on time... most days.
For me, classes are going well. I have such a greater appreciation for education as an adult student than I did at the age of 17/18/19. Its a little frustrating for me as a parent to see the lack of effort that some of my classmates show up with- but... I suppose that may be part of growing up and "getting it." It makes me want to really instill in our kids the value of giving 100% effort in all that we do. I'm doing my best... I spend hours every day preparing for class and investing in my education. I want to get all I can out of the time away. But, I have to admit that I've had multiple moments this week were I've questioned my motivation and intent with going back to school. It's hard. It's hard to juggle the demands I have in any one realm of life- whether that is being a wife, a mother, a friend, or a student. I wonder often, should I just be done? Should I just be content with what I know and where I've come from? The truth is: most days... I struggle with the right answer. Don't get me wrong... I WANT to be in school. However, logistically, this may be the hardest thing I've done to date. Bottom line: my family comes first. I am not willing to sacrifice my husband or my children for anything. And sometimes, as I've learned, being educated doesn't mean sitting in a classroom and getting grades... its the continual commitment to learning. We'll see how this goes. At this point, we're taking it one semester at a time. My goal: a 4.0 this semester. We'll see how that goes.
We've had some sickness in the house the past few weeks. Julia and I have seemed to be the ones who are most significantly affected. Julia ended up with pneumonia, which was awful. She missed an entire week of school. She seemed to be feeling better and back to herself, but over the weekend, I fear she may have relapsed a bit. Personally, I started with a sinus infection, that I was on antibiotic for. It resolved and I felt fine. However, on Friday- I felt like I got hit by a truck and I spent Friday evening and most of Saturday in bed. Its a definite upper respiratory infection- and I'm TRYING to rest and get better... I'm sure sitting at the Ravens/Titans game today for 7 hours didn't help me any... and tonight... my chest hurts and I can't breathe. I may have to hunt down a family doctor asap. With my immune system being so compromised... my body doesn't adjust well or quickly to fighting off colds or viruses. I need to get well.
My love came home on Friday night. He surprised me by arriving in about 5 hours before we expected him. I was thrilled to see him. He is truly my helper and I miss him every second that he isn't here. Tomorrow he has two interviews... so, we are officially in the final leg of transitioning down here. We'll have one more extended stay with him in Maryland (for about 10 days) and then it should be shorter stays until the end of October. 6 weeks to go and I'll have my husband back permanently. It can't happen soon enough.
Alrighty, I need to get back to reading for a little while longer before I crash. I need to start getting to bed earlier... yeah, probably not going to happen.
For me, classes are going well. I have such a greater appreciation for education as an adult student than I did at the age of 17/18/19. Its a little frustrating for me as a parent to see the lack of effort that some of my classmates show up with- but... I suppose that may be part of growing up and "getting it." It makes me want to really instill in our kids the value of giving 100% effort in all that we do. I'm doing my best... I spend hours every day preparing for class and investing in my education. I want to get all I can out of the time away. But, I have to admit that I've had multiple moments this week were I've questioned my motivation and intent with going back to school. It's hard. It's hard to juggle the demands I have in any one realm of life- whether that is being a wife, a mother, a friend, or a student. I wonder often, should I just be done? Should I just be content with what I know and where I've come from? The truth is: most days... I struggle with the right answer. Don't get me wrong... I WANT to be in school. However, logistically, this may be the hardest thing I've done to date. Bottom line: my family comes first. I am not willing to sacrifice my husband or my children for anything. And sometimes, as I've learned, being educated doesn't mean sitting in a classroom and getting grades... its the continual commitment to learning. We'll see how this goes. At this point, we're taking it one semester at a time. My goal: a 4.0 this semester. We'll see how that goes.
We've had some sickness in the house the past few weeks. Julia and I have seemed to be the ones who are most significantly affected. Julia ended up with pneumonia, which was awful. She missed an entire week of school. She seemed to be feeling better and back to herself, but over the weekend, I fear she may have relapsed a bit. Personally, I started with a sinus infection, that I was on antibiotic for. It resolved and I felt fine. However, on Friday- I felt like I got hit by a truck and I spent Friday evening and most of Saturday in bed. Its a definite upper respiratory infection- and I'm TRYING to rest and get better... I'm sure sitting at the Ravens/Titans game today for 7 hours didn't help me any... and tonight... my chest hurts and I can't breathe. I may have to hunt down a family doctor asap. With my immune system being so compromised... my body doesn't adjust well or quickly to fighting off colds or viruses. I need to get well.
My love came home on Friday night. He surprised me by arriving in about 5 hours before we expected him. I was thrilled to see him. He is truly my helper and I miss him every second that he isn't here. Tomorrow he has two interviews... so, we are officially in the final leg of transitioning down here. We'll have one more extended stay with him in Maryland (for about 10 days) and then it should be shorter stays until the end of October. 6 weeks to go and I'll have my husband back permanently. It can't happen soon enough.
Alrighty, I need to get back to reading for a little while longer before I crash. I need to start getting to bed earlier... yeah, probably not going to happen.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Life is a highway
Sorry I took a small break from blogging... but I'm back on the wagon.
About every 28 days I find myself in this super emotional and often reflective position in life... I know, I know... its provoked by hormones, or is it? I've found myself thinking a lot lately about how fast life is passing. Just tonight, as I sifted through Nick's cell phone text conversations, it just further confirmed to me that every day that passes is one day closer to my children walking out of the door into lives of their own. I can say that I THOROUGHLY enjoy the ages of all of the kids right now. I love Nick being in middle school. I love the competitive sports, I love that he is being challenged academically, I love that he is more independent, and I love that he is growing into a man. But on the same token, it scares the crap out of me. Chris teases me often and says that I don't want him to grow up because I don't want a little southern girl coming after him the way I did with Chris. It's true. But, I know that the healthy part of life is that our children grow and mature and become men and women who we are proud not only to have raised... but to know. Each one of my girls is different and special in their own right. I look at them all and I am stunned by their beauty. I'm not quite sure how they all turned out so lovely, but I am thankful that their beauty is not just external but also internal. I am honored that God chose me to be their mother and with that honor I want to be faithful in teaching them truth and respect and dignity. Nick, Julia, Emma, and Sophia all have a different road in front of them... and I have NO idea what that looks like... but I do know that I want to be certain that the road their walking is on a firm foundation rooted in the truth of God's love and grace and that Chris and I are faithful in pointing them to Jesus.
Its so easy to get caught up in the hustle bustle of day to day life and not take a minute to appreciate the time we get to share with our family throughout that day to day life. I don't want to look back on my life and say : I ran my kids to practices, and school, and events with friends... but I lost track of who they were. These years are formative. The people who they will become is being determined in this day to day hustle bustle craziness. My challenge: to love my kids as much as I can every day because I don't want to have regrets. I'm human- and I'm learning as I go- like most people do- but not only do I want to know who my kids are- I want my kids to know who I am. I want them to know that I love them more than the breath that I breathe. I want them to know that I will fight for them. I want them to know that no matter what happens in life... I am ALWAYS going to love them. And I want them to know that I'm a mess but Jesus (and their daddy) chose to love me anyway.
For a lot of reasons, I wasn't sure that I'd ever be in the position that I am today: happy and content. But GRACE is the only reason that I am able to even have the opportunity to say that I AM happy and content. I've wasted enough of my life on unimportant junk... I am thrilled to spend the duration of my life loving my husband and our children.
About every 28 days I find myself in this super emotional and often reflective position in life... I know, I know... its provoked by hormones, or is it? I've found myself thinking a lot lately about how fast life is passing. Just tonight, as I sifted through Nick's cell phone text conversations, it just further confirmed to me that every day that passes is one day closer to my children walking out of the door into lives of their own. I can say that I THOROUGHLY enjoy the ages of all of the kids right now. I love Nick being in middle school. I love the competitive sports, I love that he is being challenged academically, I love that he is more independent, and I love that he is growing into a man. But on the same token, it scares the crap out of me. Chris teases me often and says that I don't want him to grow up because I don't want a little southern girl coming after him the way I did with Chris. It's true. But, I know that the healthy part of life is that our children grow and mature and become men and women who we are proud not only to have raised... but to know. Each one of my girls is different and special in their own right. I look at them all and I am stunned by their beauty. I'm not quite sure how they all turned out so lovely, but I am thankful that their beauty is not just external but also internal. I am honored that God chose me to be their mother and with that honor I want to be faithful in teaching them truth and respect and dignity. Nick, Julia, Emma, and Sophia all have a different road in front of them... and I have NO idea what that looks like... but I do know that I want to be certain that the road their walking is on a firm foundation rooted in the truth of God's love and grace and that Chris and I are faithful in pointing them to Jesus.
Its so easy to get caught up in the hustle bustle of day to day life and not take a minute to appreciate the time we get to share with our family throughout that day to day life. I don't want to look back on my life and say : I ran my kids to practices, and school, and events with friends... but I lost track of who they were. These years are formative. The people who they will become is being determined in this day to day hustle bustle craziness. My challenge: to love my kids as much as I can every day because I don't want to have regrets. I'm human- and I'm learning as I go- like most people do- but not only do I want to know who my kids are- I want my kids to know who I am. I want them to know that I love them more than the breath that I breathe. I want them to know that I will fight for them. I want them to know that no matter what happens in life... I am ALWAYS going to love them. And I want them to know that I'm a mess but Jesus (and their daddy) chose to love me anyway.
For a lot of reasons, I wasn't sure that I'd ever be in the position that I am today: happy and content. But GRACE is the only reason that I am able to even have the opportunity to say that I AM happy and content. I've wasted enough of my life on unimportant junk... I am thrilled to spend the duration of my life loving my husband and our children.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
faithfulness and confirmation...
When we made the decision to move back to Tennessee... we immediately started looking for the place that we would call our 'church home.' As we started researching, we found a church that seemed to be a great fit for us. The first Sunday we were here we took our family to Fellowship Bible. I'll admit that the church is a bit overwhelming coming in for the first time... an entire education building- two levels... then an enormous second building where the worship services take place. This church also has four services a week - one on Saturday night and three on Sunday morning with a total of over 3k in attendance. As we sat through the service the first time, we definitely felt the teaching was what we were looking for- expository style- verse by verse bible teaching. The worship was phenomenal- as you would expect being in Nashville- and the kids all enjoyed their classes. However, I left feeling very overwhelmed by the size of the church. How would this work? How do you ever get to know anyone? How can leadership minister to those in the body with SO many in the body? I've spent the last several weeks contemplating these questions. Now, I hadn't intended to go back to Fellowship until Chris was back here next week... but I just felt like I needed to go give it another shot... so, I did and God met me there this morning is a very real way. I cannot even begin to articulate how powerfully God moved in the service this morning. It wasn't quite so scary walking in this time, since I had somewhat of a feel for the flow of things... Worship started and was different from the last service, though I couldn't really put my finger on WHY it was different. This morning was also a time of sending out- as two new churches were being started and operating and the leaders who were going were prayed over. Encouraging to see a body that still believes in the Great Commission... Judea and Sumaria were only 20 minutes down the road- but God still called and sent. As the teacher for today got up and began to speak (there are three rotating teacher elders) the simpleness and sincerity of his message spoke to my heart. He wanted to express how powerfully God is working within the body there at Fellowship- and deliver a sort of "state of the church." But within his testimony of God's work on him and his heart- there was the presentation of God's work on the hearts of other believers at Fellowship. Story after story of God's faithfulness to sinners who loved Jesus. Story after story of grace and mercy- of patience and fulfillment. I found myself overcome with emotion. The truth is that the congregation of people I sat amongst- some 1200 people- became intimately close. We were all in a position of realizing how undeserving we are and how GREAT a GOD we serve- who despite our faithlessness... lavishes goodness upon us. A God who doesn't stray- even though we do... a God who pours out mercy and grace when we are in our furthest hour from Him. Overwhelmed. As the worship team came back to lead us in a few more songs-- I was so struck my God's mercy that I found myself overcome with thankfulness and praise... who am I that He chose to love me? I went from this question of 'how do we fit in among 3k believers in one building?' to a clear understanding and confirmation that this body in Brentwood, Tennessee is where God would have us in this season of our life. As we made our way out of the parking lot, I called Chris to share with him this confirmation- and still so overwhelmed I broke into tears, humbled by what the Lord allowed me to experience in that not so big building... with not so many hundreds of people... Our last few years have been usually difficult- laced with grief and pain and hurt- we've seen believers divided, families divided, and homes divided... and its left gaping wounds in our souls. But for the first time in longer than I can remember... I felt peace this morning and I believe that healing is beginning in our life. I am humbled by my meeting with Jesus today- and oh so thankful for His everlasting love and faithfulness.
The service this morning ended with this song... and when I searched I found this version done by a former classmate at TNU back in the early 90's. It felt appropriate to add his version...
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Home
Its been a very long week. Seven full days since Chris went back to Maryland. Being mom and *trying* dad to four kids is exhausting... not to mention attempting to get myself re-enrolled into school which starts next week. I'm ready for my husband to come home. I take too much for granted when he's here- remind me of that in a few months.
Here's a song for you, Chris:
**********************************************************
onto the details of the week:
Nick had his first scrimmage game this past Friday night and I was extremely proud as I watched my son hold his own on the field. Best of all, the first thing he said to me when I picked him up after the game: "That was SO fun!" I made some phone calls and apparently he still isn't in the correct placement for his classes- they just received his school records and haven't done any assessments. However, tomorrow, he'll be pulled out for testing and should be placed where he will be best challenged. I'm sure he'll be thrilled about that. In the meantime, between school work and football, he was very little time of his own. I think that is good.
Julia started soccer today. This is the first time she has played soccer for an organized team but she is a natural. The coaches were very impressed with here ability already. They even made the effort to come over and tell me so. I have to chalk her soccer talent up to her daddy... he would be proud watching her.
I got Em signed up for dance classes for the year- which begin in a few weeks. I chose modern dance for her because there is room for artist interpretation... which I think will be great for her. She is really excited about finally being able to do something extra curricular on her own. I am excited for her too. I know she will have a blast.
Soph completed her first full week as a presschooler. So far- so good. I did get a note ONE day stating that she had some "minor" behavior- but she seemed to straighten that out by the end of the week. I started switching over some of her doctor's this week but I am still on the hunt for a pediatrician and private speech therapist and OT. We've also had some issues this past week with her having random allergic reactions to stuff- bugs, plants, etc. On two separate occasions, without knowing what caused it- she has had "stinging" types of reactions from both a plant and also bug bites- in which she develops hives. In both instances, her muscles respond and she starts trembling. Its actually pretty scary to watch. For that reason, I got a refill on the epipen which I'll be delivering to the school tomorrow- AND I am carrying her epipen with me everywhere at this point. I know change in environment and plants/bugs that go along with that are probably to blame- but I think we are to the point that we need to see an allergist and find out the extent of her reactions. The last thing I want to do is put her through that testing- but I think at this point- it may be necessary. Now all I need to do is find an allergist. Hmmm.....
So, I mentioned that I'm working on getting back to school this semester. I was going to take the semester off- but decided to just jump back into it. I'm not getting any younger. I have meetings/tests/registration multiple days this week at TNU... and then classes start next Tuesday- so, its going to be a hectic week for me.
Also, got good news a few days ago: mom got a job. It is downtown with a nonprofit organization (which she has experience with) and I think the job is going to be a good fit for her. She starts the day after labor day. She's excited- and we are excited for her- change is good when you embrace it.
One last note for tonight: Chris' uncle Dennis had a heart attack while on vacation in Myrtle Beach this week. He is diabetic and there are multiple other concerns/issues- but tomorrow he is going into surgery for triple bypass at 6am (EST). Please say a prayer for him, the doctors, and the family. We want him feeling better and back to himself as soon as possible.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
The bumpy road...
I'm emotional today- actually, I have been for a few days. I could come up with a half dozen reasons why I've been so up and down but truly there is only one reason: Chris had to go back to Maryland today.
In November, Chris and I will have been together for fifteen years. A month later, in December, we'll celebrate fourteen years of marriage. We've had some better days, weeks, months, and years than others- but the past few years have been especially difficult. This afternoon as I was weeping in my husband's arms, it just reconfirmed to me that I'm where I want to be- with who I want to be with. All of the other crap in life just fades away in light of that one true realization. The unfortunate part is that in this new transition of our life together- as we are settling into a new home and community- he's not here with me- the way it SHOULD be. Chris keeps telling me 'one day at a time' which is exactly what we have to do to get through these next few months- but it is definitely more difficult than I thought it would be. So- I won't see him again in the month of August- he'll be back on September 1st for 11 or 12 days... and until then, I'll manage here... sad. I found this quote and thought how true it is... so, I thought I'd share... and just reiterate to my husband that I would choose him all over again.
One of the nicest things you can say to your partner, "If I had it to do
over again, I'd choose you. Again."
Unknown
over again, I'd choose you. Again."
Unknown
Now here's a break in the thought process to update on the past few very busy days
*******************************************************************************
The kids all started school on Thursday- it was only a half day for the three older kids- and only a 1 hr orientation time for Soph. But, it went well and Friday was a typical day. I'll start with Nick.
Nick has decided to play football this year for the school team. Chris met with the coach and we got all of Nick's paperwork taken care of and he participated in his first practice at Sunset on Friday evening. Then Saturday morning and into the afternoon- he had a scrimmage game at an area school. So far- so good. He seems to enjoy it though he's pretty sore from the practice/game. I think all in all, this will be good for him... but it does make me nervous seeing him out there with kids twice his size coming at him. (Maybe he'll learn to run faster???)
Julia seems to really be enjoying her teacher and new school. But, I wouldn't expect less. Julia loves school. We also got Julia signed up for rec soccer and she had her evaluations on Saturday. Got the email today that teams have been chosen and her practices will start Saturday. I think this will be a great way for Julia to meet more girls her age and make new friends.
Emma is in the second grade. I still can't really believe that. Anyway, she is enjoying her class and has made a friend or two. Emma can be a bit chatty- and her sarcastic sense of humor isn't always understood by her peers- but I know she'll latch on to a friend or two and she'll do just fine. No sports for Em at this point- but I am looking into dance classes for her. If you are a local and have any suggestions- I'm all ears.
Sophia. Friday was tough... for me... and maybe her teacher. I got her to school and got her out of the truck and the teacher came over to get her. Soph was great until she realized that I wasn't coming along. :-( She yelled "mommy" and started crying and I sat for a few moments as she was carried toward the school with the teacher. I took a deep breath and drove into town to run a few errands. Chris and I picked her up at 11:30 and she was happy to see us. In her bookbag- we had the 'rundown' of the day on a piece of paper which told us how her day was- and did notate that she "protested :-)" So- I'm not sure for how long or to what degree (and maybe its best that way) but she started school and goes back again tomorrow. To be honest, I have HIGH hopes for my Sophia Hope and I'm looking forward to the progress she is going to make this year. I'm still not sure if I'm ready for all of this- but I am CERTAIN that she is.
Alright, I suppose I should head off to bed. 6:15am comes early- and goes nonstop until this time tomorrow night. Good night, all.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Settling In Still...
Well, we've been here for 11 days (and nights) now. Its crazy- some days it feels longer- and other days- it doesn't. But, in the past 11 days we have made some major progress on the house and getting everything unpacked and in its place. Curtains are hung, pictures are in place (for the most part), comforters are resting on their beds, and furniture has been arranged and rearranged. Today, we officially unpacked the garage enough to park both of our vehicles into the garage. With my big SUV, its a tight fit- but we'll make it work. So far, we love it. The size of the house is still tremendous for us. The kids love having their own space and we love having enough room to comfortably entertain. As of yesterday, the kids (except Sophie) were all officially registered for school- which starts on Thursday (YES, THIS Thursday). Tomorrow morning, Chris and I have a meeting at Sophie's school with the county representative for student services, the principle of the school, and Sophie's new pre-school teacher. This meeting will HOPEFULLY go over smoothly, however, we are having to transition services that Soph has been receiving in Maryland to Tennessee- and to make sure that all of her needs are adequately addressed. There are some technicalities that we need to work through with the school but we're hoping that everything goes easily. We'll know tomorrow when Soph will be officially able to start school- we're hoping Thursday or Friday- but we'll see.
Chris was able to drive down on Friday night and will be here with us through Sunday afternoon. I'm glad to have him home. It doesn't much feel like home with him not being here. He continues to plug away with his job coming to an end and has been given the opportunity to "work from home" here in Tennessee somewhat frequently so that he can be with us. I am grateful.
Since Chris was home on Sunday- we went to a new church in Brentwood, which is about 15 minutes from the house. The kids all really liked it. And I think we are going to go again this coming Sunday. So far, we like everything we know about the church- and we've done some pretty thorough research. I guess time will tell. Pray that we find the right place to worship for our family.
I updated SOME photos on Facebook with a new album of pics of our house. I'm missing a kitchen picture- but other than that, right now there are photos of the whole lower level. I'll upload a kitchen pic here shortly. Photos of the upstairs will follow at some point this week. Keep checking back. Here is a link to the album.
So in short- so far so good. I'll update again in the next week with more details of the kids start of their new school and anything else that might be happening.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Settling In...
Well, we've just spent our third night in our new home- the first one with Chris not with us. I'm a bit heavy hearted with him not being here- I miss him desperately... and its only been 24 hours. Its going to be a long transition for us all.
The trip down here was long and exhausting starting with a 3am departure time from Maryland. Honestly, both Chris and I had trouble sleeping at all Friday night and so we both drove on little to no sleep. Its the first time I can remember having to really talk to myself during the drive to keep me from nodding off. Once we arrived, we had help here at the house waiting for us- so, we didn't get to rest. We spent the remainder of the day unloading our packed down truck and assembling furniture that we were going to need to sleep on that night. We didn't get into bed until about 11pm and we all crashed hard. Exhaustion is an understatement. However, it became very surreal- being in our new house- a house that was/is big enough for us all to fit without invading each others space. This was what we've been planning for and looking forward to for 9 months now... and here we are. I'll be honest, there were MANY days that I wondered if that was ever going to happen. Were we ever going to make it to Tennessee??? But, here we are... settling in.
I got the kids all registered for school yesterday- with the exception of Sophia (because her registration is more involved and I"m waiting on a call back from the early intervention office in our county). On Friday morning, Nick will go to a new student orientation from 9-12pm for an opportunity to walk through his new school and get to know where he's going before he shows up next Thursday. I'm glad they have this orientation set up and that we are here for him to participate... its intimidating walking into a new school... but I KNOW he will do great.
Last night, our next door neighbor brought us dinner. I was touched that they would offer and then even more thankful when I didn't have to worry about preparing anything while unpacking and straightening up. Our experience in this neighborhood so far has been great. The kids have children their age to play with (the downside is its 110 degrees outside so no one wants to play outside during the day)- and have already begun making friends. One of the major concerns we had moving was Sophie. She is so structured and regimented that anytime you mess with her schedule, she really has a hard time adjusting. Surprisingly enough, that has NOT been the case so far with Soph. She loves the new house- she runs around, makes herself comfortable and has plenty of space of enjoy. We are certain as we watch her that moving into this house was the best fit for our family. I'm looking forward to getting everyone adjusted into a schedule as school starts next week.
Well, I suppose that's it for now- I'll try to update in a few days- WITH pictures. Right now, the downstairs is looking more under control- but the upstairs is still filled to the brim with boxes... and have I mentioned the garage is full of boxes too. I know everyone is curious to see the house- so, I'll do my best to get it up soon.
Monday, July 25, 2011
A stroll down memory lane....
After almost nine months of waiting and wondering how everything was going to play out... we're down to four more days (including today) in Maryland. I've spent the last three weeks tied up in details of switching utilities, addresses, contracts, and weaving in good-byes. I'm exhausted- but room by room- our home of the past seven years is almost packed up. Its shocking how much we've accumulated- and we're the people who give away and throw away-- so, I'm not really sure how that happened. Regardless, the time is quickly approaching when we will pile our children into our trucks and make that 800 mile trek to Tennessee.
People keep asking if I'm excited- the short answer is yes. I'm excited about the prospect of the future- I'm excited about a fresh start with the man that God has given me and the children that God has blessed us with. Its been a tough few years- lots of struggles and bad days... and I am certain that there will be struggles and bad days in the south- but for right now- I'm hopeful that we'll weather those with renewed strength as a family. Chris's job layoff signaled a confirmation for us that we had been waiting for- the doors are closing for us here- and we are anticipating the opening doors that we'll venture into soon enough in Tennessee. It's exciting, at the least.
We will be leaving here 2 days shy of our 11th anniversary in Maryland. On August 1, 2000, we packed up two cars and headed up here from North Carolina. Its kind of funny looking back. We sold off or gave away the majority of our things- knowing that we'd be living with Chris' parents for awhile so we could save for a down payment to buy a house. We only had Nicolas- who was only 1 and few months old. Within the course of 10 months- Chris and I were homeowners for the first time at the ripe old ages of 21and 23. I remember our agent telling us back then how refreshing it was to see a young couple who "had it together." We loved our townhouse and worked hard to improve it- and almost three years to the day- we sold it for a huge gain and moved into 106 Williams street. While in our townhouse, we brought home two baby girls- first, Julia and then Emma. Within a matter of five months of Em's birth, we moved into this house. Its crazy, none of the kids really have any memory of the town house. Its okay- we have lots of photos and mine and Chris' memories are full. When we moved into this house- we knew that God had hand delivered this house to us- as we were in the peak housing market boom and homes were selling within hours of being listed. We looked and looked and really wanted to be in the neighborhood with his parents- but weren't able to find a place big enough for our family of five. Then, the day we were scheduled to sign to list our town house for sale- we went and looked at a home that we were settling on in Abingdon- a split level- that we were gearing up to put a contract on. Diane (my mother in law) had gone with us and was arriving back at home when she found her next door neighbors outside power washing their siding. Diane began talking to them and quickly found out that those neighbors were listing their house for sale that afternoon- Diane was listening to them talk as she was dialing Chris' cell phone. Within a matter of minutes, Chris and my mom were walking through this house and within a matter of an hour, I was also walking through with our agent. Long story short- the neighbors practically gave us the house for a price that was $25k UNDER appraisal value in a very competitive housing market. This home brought a third baby girl, and a fourth child to our family- and the official realization that we had outgrown our home.
As the past month has unfolded- it has become crystal clear that our direction is right. It's funny- we found the town and the exact neighborhood that we wanted to be- but I believe the Lord guided our paths to 1405 Peppermint Lane. It wasn't ideal- we lost our "dream house." However, while in Nashville three weeks ago, as we looked at what is going to be our home- we knew the house was different. Locks and gates put up high, a fully fenced back yard, details in the home that made it ideal for Sophie. When we talked to the owner and Chris discussed our family, Chris mentioned the security in the home being ideal for our little one with special needs- it was then revealed that the family who had moved out of this home had an autistic son. Crazy?! Upon another trip back to the home, we met the very friendly neighbors- who each have three children of their own- all the same ages as our children. We also find out that one neighbor is a special education teacher! What's further an interesting fact is that this house was only for sale- but when I contacted the owner asking if he would be interested in renting (as I contacted every other homeowner for sale in the neighborhood with 4 bdrms or more that had been listed for more than 60 days; a total of about 15 homeowners)--this homeowner was the ONLY one interested in renting. Once again, we felt our home had been delivered to us.
So, yes, we are excited. We will miss our family here a great deal- and we will miss our friends- the true ones. The ones who have stood by us and who have walked this journey with us- loving us and praying for us and with us. But what's great is knowing that those true friendships last through garbage and love reigns high--- and we'll have plenty of space for company when they come to visit. The most valuable thing I've learned from my 11 years in Maryland: God is faithful when we are faithless.
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